Hold On

Tomorrow will probably be a little bit of a sad day.

I’m prepared for it, today I’m going to laugh though (life is too short and too sad, to not laugh when we are given the chance). Last night I was tired, the super tired we get from cleaning, cooking and baking for a week to prepare for Thanksgiving, then celebrating Thanksgiving and cleaning up the mess. I am proud to say I spent most the day electronic free, and the whole day absolutely tear free. I kept the demons at bay, even when they started knocking… screaming to be let in.

Laney found a headband, somewhere I’m really not sure if it wasn’t handed to her by the monster she claims “lives under her bed”, because I swear I had burned it, thrown it away in the trash where it belonged.  Yet I turned around Wednesday night, as she handed it to my laughing sister and told her to “put it on”. My sister didn’t know, my husband did and I saw the look of panic in his eyes. “The whore” had sent it to my daughter along with a cheap tutu, on Christmas 2 years ago.It was supposed to be gone and yet there it sat on my sister’s head as we unpacked her overly full bags brought from Kansas. I wanted to rip it off and run from the room screaming…I wanted to cry…I wanted it gone.

My sister saw my look and said ” What? Is there something on it?”…”Just some slut!!” my voice in my head screamed” A littlewhore!!” but I didn’t say a word I just smiled sadly and took a deep breath. My sister took it off and set it on the table with a frown, not knowing and yet knowing. Laney distracted by her cousins ran giggling from the room. I calmly picked it up and threw it away. Last year it would have broken me, I would have went to a dark place, and either cried or screamed silently…did you know you can scream, and not a sound come out? I didn’t know either, but it’s a “fun fact” I discovered this last year. Instead I sat down at my kitchen table and wrote my short Thanksgiving Day blog, and I lived my words the next day.

I had a great Thanksgiving…2 drinks so I loved everyone. I was so tired as mentioned earlier, I didn’t want to go out, but it’s a tradition and I decided legs hurting, eyes drooping, head pounding be damned… I was going shopping.

Last night I laughed until I cried with my niece and my sister, making them wear Elf ears while we shopped in the madness. People stopped us and laughed, and commented on our ears, then my sister bought us all mustaches and we wore those too. A man in a car beside us did a double take, laughed and waved…the checker at Best Buy told my niece the trick to having a mustache “knowing how to trim it would help with the tickle to her nose”.

We laughed harder than we have in years, and ended the night recreating the infamous “Punch it Marge” from a Wendy’s commercial…we taped it at 4:30 in the morning, driving down the Highway laughing like fools. As I climbed into bed this morning, my husband woke up and asked “how was your night?” I started giggling and replied “Amazing!!” He curled up around me, kissed the top of my head, and I could feel him shaking his head as I giggled myself to sleep.

No pills needed to help me sleep, I was rocked to sleep with laughter.

“I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things’ll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You’ve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin’ your worries pass you by
Don’t you think it’s worth your time
To change your mind?

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on”

-Wilson Phillips-

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