All I Want For Christmas

Today Laney told my husband ” Alls I’s want for Christmas is for you’s to never go back to work, and to stay home with me…”

A year ago we thought my husband would have to go back to work up north, or at least on the road to work. We never thought he would be able to stay home and work, to watch his children grow up, to be here with me. We had accepted our lives apart years ago, made the best of it…made sure our kids were adjusted to it. Looking back now I don’t know how either of us did it for 13 years…me home raising our kids, taking care of the family farm, and running in a hundred different directions to make sure no one ever felt neglected. My husband not being home for holidays, birthdays, or milestones…having to listen to his kids grow up on the phone, one short conversation at a time. Both of us so caught up in how hard our lives apart were that we lost sight of our life together.

I hate my husband’s affair, his actions, his selfishness of the two years he lived…I am grateful for the path they put us on. We would still be living apart if he hadn’t had the affair, we would still be drifting apart if not for the affair. I am so happy my daughter will grow up in a family with both her parents, and my husband is getting to watch her. My sons have their father as an active part of their everyday life. I think often of the other paths which could have been taken, of the way this could have turned out, and I am so happy we got a second chance to live as a family. My Lou got to kiss her dad goodbye this morning knowing she would see him at supper…How do I know I’m doing the “right thing”?

Moments like these…

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