I have slept the last 24 hours, almost solid.
I had a nasty flu bug earlier this week, only to relapse and have an even nastier bug. My kids didn’t notice until when at 2 o’clock my oldest son poked his head into my bedroom, and announced he was going to his grandparents. I had the covers pulled up around my head and laid there shaking from fever and told him “Don’t worry I made out my will, so if I die Padaman (our cat) gets everything…” He stopped in the doorway and asked ” Oh are you sick?” Kids are not the most observant of people, and I am thankful for this.
Last year as my husband and I were bundles of nerves getting ready to fight “the whore” in court, I was mostly able to keep my kids out of it. They didn’t need anymore stress, or shit to deal with, they had already been through more than enough. My husband had asked me to go away for a couple of days with him, just me and him to try to figure/sort through the mess our life was, before “the whore” had cried wolf and tried to get my husband fired and restrained from harassing her. His court date coincided with our trip, and I wanted to cancel…institing he needed to fly back early and cut his vacation short…he refused. His thoughts were he would rather lose the trial than lose me, and he would call in with his lawyer and stay with me.
It was a tense getaway with the days being scheduled around calls to his lawyer, it looked like “the whore” was going to drop the order. Finally the day before court she decided to proceed in court, because as she told his lawyer on the phone “he needed to pay for what he had done to her”. She wasn’t talking about him harassing her, but by him not choosing her. His lawyer started paying attention to my husband when he claimed she was doing it out of vindictivness…if she hadn’t believed him before she most certainly believed him now. “The whore” had admitted it, her reasons for the restraining order, but it still had to be proved in court.
He had walked away from her and she wanted her revenge…she wanted his job and his reputation as payment. I was dumbfounded because I had been the one wronged…I had been the one betrayed…I had been the one who didn’t know there was another woman…I had been the one lied to…I had been the stinking victim…and she wanted to make him pay? She had claimed to love him when she was calling and emailing me…She loved him? I had been his wife for twenty years, had in that time never known another man, never wanted another man, made my life rotate around him…and when the affair came out, when my life was shattered, my world crushed…I sat down with him and told him ” If you love her and are just staying because of the kids, then you have to leave…because I want you to be happy, even if it’s without me.” And crazy thing was? I meant it…It would have killed me, but I was willing to let him go, because I didn’t want him to be unhappy. She claimed to love him, and yet when he chose to stay with me, she wanted to destroy him. It was then that I realized she had never loved him, she just wanted to win. The whole affair was a game to her and it pissed her off when he quit playing…and she was determined to have one more round, one more hand, whether he wanted to play or not.
He called in to court that day, and I have often wondered how bad it pissed her off? Him not flying back early, refusing to give up one minute of time with his family for her and her games. I sat in the car and listened with him as his lawyer convinced the judge there was more to the story than what the documents said, and a new date was issued, when my husband could be there in person and present his evidence. We were told this was good, because it meant the judge wanted to hear my husband’s side and wasn’t just listening to “the whore’s” cries of wolf. The bad news was it wasn’t over…I had prayed and prayed to God to let it be over, and couldn’t understand “WHY” at the time. Why she was getting even one more moment of our time…Why we had to live with another trial hanging over our heads…Why?
And the worst part of it was my husband was going back to Valdez…alone.
“Hey white liar
The truth comes out a little at a time
And it spreads just like a fire
Slips off of your tongue like turpentine
And I don’t know why
You better be careful what you do
I wouldn’t wanna be in your shoes
If they ever found you out
You better be careful what you say
It never really added up any way
I got friends in this town”