Fight For You

I have a different relationship with my youngest son than I do with my older two…simply stating a fact.

I don’t love him more, favor him over the other two, or treat him any differently, I just have a different relationship. He was the youngest of three boys, born like stair steps, and the last at home when the other two went to school. He was born a momma’s boy, not to be confused with a ‘sissy boy’, he just loves his momma. He was my side kick before Lou was ever thought of, my baby for 11 years, a soft spot in my heart. I was always his ‘bench mom’ for baseball, his cheer squad for football, and his coach for basketball, I never missed a game or a function of his. I didn’t let the flu, the birth of his sister, or the fresh knowledge of his father’s affair keep me from a single activity…until I was faced with a choice.

I have always put my husband’s needs after my children’s, and I don’t feel the need to apologize for it. My husband is a grown man and can take care of himself, but my kids need me and as parents it’s our job to take care of them. As I often say “We chose to have kids, they didn’t choose us”…and with that we owe them something, we owe them a lot, and I think it means putting them first before all the other shit in our lives. I ,however, was wondering if I was wrong, if I actually knew anything. When you find out about a two-year affair, that your husband had a psycho girlfriend ( as she liked to call herself…his girlfriend not the psycho part), and your last two years were full of lies, you start to wonder how smart you really are…you start to second guess yourself, your beliefs, and the truths in your life.

My husband had to fly to the north and go to court to fight “the whore”, and I had a choice to make. Go with him and support my husband as he faced his past, or stay home and take care of my kids. You will never know how I struggled with the decision, finally I stopped and sat in the quiet and asked God “What do I do?”. I found my answer as I sat in the silence, and realized staying home would be easy. No one would blame me for staying home, making him face her and her crazy by himself…he brought her into our lives and I owed him nothing. I owed him nothing, but you should do things not on what’s owed but by what’s right.

“Book me a ticket, I’m going with you…” I told my husband when he found me in our bedroom.

For the first time I was going to miss my youngest son’s basketball game, I wasn’t going to be in the crowd cheering, driving him home after to go over play by-play his every move.

I was going up north to slay a nasty dragon, and if I was lucky save my husband in the process.

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There’s nothing that a hundred men, or more, could ever do
Just like the rain, down in Africa
It’s gonna take some time but I know you’re worth fighting for –
I’d fight for you”

-Jason Derulo-

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2 Responses to Fight For You

  1. pabloswife says:

    I too have always put my children first, Like you, I figured their father was a grown man, could look after himself and like you I am questioning whether that was the wisest decision i ever made. I am questioning whether in trying to be the perfect mom, I became the less than perfect wife. After I found out about my husbands affair with the whore I read the Shirley Glass book, NOT Just Friends. Its the only book I have read on the subject of infidelity. If I didn’t know she had passed away several years ago I would have believed that she had been living in my home for years! In it she writes that the Child-centered marriage is one of the most powerful vulnerabilities for infidelity! I guess I would definitely categorized my marriage as a child-centered marriage, I just forgot about the biggest baby of them all… MY HUSBAND!

    My husband now has the book on his bedside table. I devoured it in one day, he is up to page 91 some 2 months after starting it. I hope with all my heart he will get a move on with this book and I tell him this every day!!

    • rkabceden says:

      I am going to find it and read it…thanks for the suggestion. I have the feeling we could talk for hours over a couple bottles of wine, and would be dumbfounded over how similar our nightmares were..

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