Small Town USA

I feel like I need to clarify some things before I continue with ‘my story’…

I don’t hate the Valdez, I really and truly don’t, there was a time I did just because of what happened there. I am sane now and know it wasn’t the towns fault. I visited there before the affair, before my husband went ‘dumbass crazy’, and I loved it. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth, honestly it is. I wouldn’t want to live there, I don’t do cold. I wear sweatshirts until it’s 95 degrees here in the south, I set our AC at 80 degrees…I hate snow and cold…It’s nothing personal it’s just my genetics.

I don’t hate the people who live in Valdez, at least most of them. I am actually madly in love with one of the residents, and if she EVER leaves her boyfriend? My husband is in big trouble because I LOVE HER. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know, huge lady balls, and is FUNNY. I love her so much I named one of our show pigs after her, which in the south is a sign of affection, no pigs named after ‘the whore’. Pigs deserve more respect than that, they are smart, funny, and are adorable, totally not whores. I have other friends there, some old and some new, all have ‘lady balls’ in common. How do I know they have ‘lady balls’? If you are contacting me on Facebook, reaching out to a stranger who you know from reading her blog is ‘crazy’, and just wanting to tell her “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but I love your blog.”? You have ‘lady balls’ and in my book it makes you worth knowing.

I don’t think all ‘Can Can Girls’ are whores. I think “the whore” gives you girls a bad name. I think she is a whore who likes to dress up and get attention. I think she is way too old to be playing dress up. I also think someone should show her the picture of her in her ‘Can Can Girl’ outfit with her huge ass and thigh hanging out. Come on people… friends don’t let friends think they are cute and sexy,when really they are looking pathetic and nasty. Someone please be her friend…please? She was a ‘Can Can Girl’ again this year, my funny “don’t give a shit if she sees me” friend took her picture and sent it to me. Why? Because it’s so pathetic that it’s funny, really sad…but FUNNY. Several of my friends were ‘Can Can Girls’, they were cute and funny…Please don’t call them whores.

I am going to visit Valdez again someday, either to toast my friend at her wedding or to steal her away, I will be there again. While I am there I plan on playing with my ‘funny friends’ adorable baby boy, holding my new friends not yet born baby girl, and having a glass of wine with a kindred spirit ( pointing out how she does this annoying ‘lip pucker’ thing like she’s starring in a porn movie, priceless. I owe you a glass of wine.)

While I am there I hope I don’t get stoned, or ran out-of-town tarred and feathered.

“A lot of people called it prison when I was growin up
But these are my roots and this is what I love
Cause everybody knows me and I know them
And I believe that’s the way we were supposed to live
Wouldn’t trade one single day here in small town USA

Give me a Saturday night my baby by my side
A little Hank Jr. and a six pack of light
Old dirt road and ill be just fine
Give me a Sunday morning thats full of grace
A simple life and I’ll be okay
Here in small town USA

Around here we break our backs just to earn a buck
We never get ahead but we have enough
I watch people leave and then come right back
I never wanted any part of that
I’m proud to say that I love this place
Good ole small town USA”

-Justin Moore-

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