Love Is Like A River

I watch…

I watch as everyone else’s lives move on, they seem to have just slowed for a speed bump and are now back up to speed. Here I sit not in a parking lot but in water. I loved water…the beach, warm sand between my toes, the sounds of waves crashing onto the shore, the smell of fish, salt and water, the sting of the salt in my eyes…I loved the beach. 

Last year I spent our annual family week at the beach drunk and hiding from the demons which waited there. Sad and crying at the lies told there…

“Are you sleeping with her?” ‘The whore’ demanded answers in her texts to him.

“No!!” he answered “we aren’t even talking.” He lied to her.

She whined about not being included on MY family vacation, questioning if she would fit in…

“Of course,” he lied again.

Winter is taking too long and I am stuck in rising water, dog paddling trying to keep my head above, struggling not to drown. My tears are salty and remind me of summer. I used to love the beach, the water. 

It’s not fair how they all move on, and I’m still here stuck with the memory of their actions. I’d like to move on, and yet here I float, hands like prunes, with salt water filling my lungs. I wish I could be sitting on shore watching them drown in the filth they brought into my life. I would be sitting in my beach chair, holding my Piña Colda, eating pistachios as the current carried them out farther and farther. Finally the sun would set and I’d see them no more. I’d pack up my beach bag, finish my drink and I WOULD MOVE ON.

 

i want to move on…

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One Response to Love Is Like A River

  1. 1myr says:

    Yeah, I wish I could move on. But it’s been only three months since DDay so I think I’m stuck where I am for a while longer. Hope things are getting better for you.

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