My husband is a good man…
Let it sink in for a minute. The man who cheated on me, lied to me, put himself before his family, hurt his kids, brought embarrassment and shame to his family, made me feel like shit about myself for the length of the affair, crushed my self-confidence, used me, and never thought about us (me and the kids)…he is a good man.
It’s one of the things I have struggled with the last year. It would be so much easier if I could say he’s a horrible man. I’ve known awful men who have cheated. Advised my friends and family members to run…run fast and far because he is a psychopath. I have seen men who lived their entire lives being self-absorbed assholes. When caught they just move on to the next unsuspecting victim.
These men never feel regret or remorse, and never EVER face the music. I’d like to put all these men on an island together. Even better I’d put them on an island together with ‘the whores’. All of them…the women who knowingly and willing slept with married men and had no remorse, just anger at the wives for not cooperating and handing over our families. An island where assholes and whores can set around lying to each other, playing their games, cheating, acting the victim and then repeating the cycle. Whore island would be full of disease and mayhem but the residents would be happy.
My husband doesn’t belong there…he has tried to make amends to an often crazy wife. He has been a better father this last year than he was the last 18. He would argue he was a good father before and I would say yes he was. The two years of the affair he wasn’t a good dad. He was moody, and griped at the kids, he made them feel like they weren’t good enough in his eyes…he made them feel like I did… “Is it time for him to go back yet?” I guess when you are mad at yourself, you are mad at the world. He has a hard time now, trying to be a dad and discipline them, and at the same time make the hurt…the betrayal up to them. He is trying and that’s all anyone can do.
He doesn’t belong on the island because he wears tiaras, can make a pigtail in my daughter’s hair, and has been known to take a bubble bath with Lou. He puts up with all the hurt kittens, endless puppies, and chaos of her life. He brushes cookie crumbs from his side of the bed from her sneaking them in without a word. He makes up songs as he puts her to sleep. He has let her ‘fix’ his hair, paint his nails, and I know what he looks like in ‘sparkly lip gloss’. He is the dad to her I was promised when I was pregnant with her again.
He wouldn’t fit in on the island because the guilt of what he did eats at him every day. He still apologizes almost daily, and tries to stay on step ahead of me on my path to healing…he watches for triggers, sweeps aside my demons and tries to clear my path. He has bad days too, days where he lets the anger out and we fight, we struggle. It always ends with his sorrow and regret overwhelming him. He feels shame and regret, he struggles on a hard path to redemption.
My husband is a good man who did a horrible thing.