You’re So Vain

I’m having a hard time writing today.

It doesn’t happen very often, usually the thoughts start flowing and some sort of story comes out. I’ve written two different ones today and they got filed away with my drafts. Will they ever make an appearance? Maybe…one was too mean, but in my defense the whiny mistress who commented on my post Friday made me mad. The other was too whiny, but maybe sometimes I feel WHINY?!?! I’m not posting it but I’m not going to beat myself up for it either. I woke up too early and thoughts (voices) were there to greet me. After an hour it took all my will power to not literally kick my snoring husband out of bed. I never knew how much self-control I had until he had his affair…I Kelly have a shit ton of self-control, even on little sleep with a whore screaming in my head.

So here I am on a Monday rambling instead of getting to a point. I should feel bad but I don’t, it’s my blog and I can do what I want, even ramble. So today I have no words of wisdom, no words to inspire, or stories to make your day better…oh hold it I do have one story…it’s kind of mean. Should I tell it? Insert jeopardy music here…What do you think Alex? Mean whore stories for a thousand? Alex Trebek said “Yes Kelly please” and when Alex asks so nicely who am I to say no?

“The whore”? She is a woman who likes to pretend, remember? She likes to pretend she is the “fairest one of all” and the magic mirror she uses? It lies. She has been known to look around a room as her ‘friends’ stand beside her and proclaim herself out loud “The best looking one in the room.” She is a woman so proud of her flab (fat rolls) that she not only will show them to friends, but to a woman she just met as they left a meeting. (I would have wanted to be a blind fly (so I could hear but not be scarred for life) on the wall for that encounter…I mean how does it even get brought up? “Hey Susan…want to see something really cool? I got sexy flab on my belly AND MY ASS!!” Did the woman swallow back her vomit as her morning cup of coffee made a return appearance? Did she fight the urge to laugh or was it more of a scream? And what did the woman say “Wow that’s a LOT of flab”… I am sad to say I will probably go to my grave without knowing poor Sue’s thoughts on ‘the whore’s’ flab…sigh.)

Why are these my thoughts this morning? Because on days like today they remind me of two things…

1. It was never a competition between me and ‘the whore’. I am smart, pretty, funny, and classy, she couldn’t ever compete with me in the real world. So on my bad days I remember stories others have shared of her to get me back on track.

2. My husband slept with that ^…and the fact that he carries the knowledge and memories around with him daily, makes me think I don’t need to kick him, he’s being punished enough.

I promise tomorrow I will have a ‘real’ story to tell.

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39 Responses to You’re So Vain

  1. brokenjoan says:

    Unfortunately, no matter how depressing, I think our thoughts are a part of our real story! I hope your tomorrow is at least a little better than your today! Hugs from Joan

  2. brokenjoan says:

    And I will be here reading! LOL

  3. I feel like this today — all a jumble! I couldn’t sleep last night and listened to my husband serenade me with very loud snoring. Sometimes, that’s what it’s like — random, bitter thoughts, sadness, thinking I’m okay, thinking we’ll be okay, hating what he did, hating this has happened at our age. I thought we were in the coasting years! So, sometimes, my thoughts are like ricocheting all over the place.

    • 16 months later and the fact that I still lose focus and sometimes swallowed by the sadness makes me angry and I want to scream or punch a whore…or both 🙂 if life was fair they would both spend the nights laying awake unable to live with THIER actions…but life isn’t about being fair, it’s about trying to remember how to live

  4. Raquel says:

    I was intrigued by your blog and have read every entry since you began your journey of healing. I have been through it and feel your pain. I know the effects on your life, outlook and self esteem.
    However, I don’t agree with labeling the other woman as ‘the whore’. The definition of whore is “1. someone willing to compromise values for personal gain 2. To accept payment for sexual favors”.
    The only ‘whore’ in your story is your husband. He was the one who sold out, willing to trade out his marriage and his family to get between a woman’s legs.
    The other woman never owed you anything, it was not her job to stay away from your husband. Your husband owed you 20 years of love and devotion. He shouldn’t have ‘whored’ that out.

    I admire your strength and perseverance. You embody the epitome of a woman being the glue that holds the family together. I wish your family the best of luck and hope to read of things only going up from here.

    • Someone willing to compromise values for personal gain? She wanted a better life and was trying to catch a better husband through spreading her legs…not just for my husband but for multiple men…whore. She was constantly wanting ‘gifts’ and ‘trips’ from him…that would be trading sex for money/things. Don’t tell me she’s not a whore until you know her…SHE IS and WILL ALWAYS BE A WHORE.

      If you read my blog from start to finish you would know I know who did this to me…my husband. However she also put my family through hell and SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ME. I wouldn’t do that to someone it’s called having compassion and morals. Just being a decent human being.

      My husband has tried to fix his mistakes, she has only lied about hers and played the victim. So please don’t correct MY story until you have lived it.

    • Oh Raquel, let’s not sugar coat it. These women are whores, because the personal gain they seek is the time, affection and MONEY of their married men. Who pays the REAL cost of that? The mans wife and his innocent children. If she is willing to destroy the lives of a woman and her children, all because she wants what the wife has? Because she want to slide her warty foot into someone else’s glass slipper? She is a whore. Personally I am done sugar coating peoples poor choices. Willie Wonka has left the building! People can also repent their sin and find forgiveness. In the meantime, they need to OWN what they did. I have held my husband to that standard, and he is working hard to right the wrongs.

  5. brokenjoan says:

    I so agree with Boo on this one, I actually have more respect for a prostitute, than I do any woman who, knowing a man is married still goes after him, to me that is the true definition of a whore!

  6. Raquel says:

    You are completely right. I don’t know her so I can only really come to understand your situationfrom ur blog. I don’t know you either, but you seem intelligent and strong and throwing a term like “whore” around seemed a little beneath you. Every time I read it it sounds so angry and bitter and I think by doing that you are simply empowering her. I bet she would be jubilant that she caused that much angst that a family woman like yourself is throwing terms around like this.
    If I upset you with my comment, I certainly did not mean to. As you said it is your story. I didn’t know anything about it until I read your blog so I just thought I would let you know how the story looks from the perspective of someone who has no other info on the situation as a whole. I do enjoy reading it and relating to others in this way and wanted to give some reader feedback.
    In reply to the other comments, I do not think I sugar coated anything. I simply said who I thought the term would apply to if we were going to label people in this (or any other) cheating story. Yes the wife and family pay the price but that was due to the unfaithful partners action, not the other woman/man. Your partner’s choices are the only ones that matter in this regard. Without the simple action of willing to trade everything you have built together for sex, this wouldn’t happen. There would be no “whores” (husbands or mistresses) in your life. I said previously, I have been through it, and I know it was tempting to rage and call the other woman names until I realized, she doesn’t know me and thus owes me nothing. The sheer jealousy knowing my partner had wanted her, and would put everything on the line for that, only inspired further rage and sadness. I was disgusted he had wanted her over me. What an insult! But if my partner who we built a life, who I gave children to, was willing to sacrifice all that and stray (with a character similar to your husband’s other woman. As you said they never “upgrade” do they?), the problem is between me and him. The fact he chose to involve someone else in our lives was his choice and his choice only. He whored out. Simple.

    • In her town she is known as a whore, and I could have used her god given name but I know her town reads my blog and didn’t want to call her out. You are right I could have used ‘sweet cheeks’ but that is a lie she has fat cheeks. I thought about a skanky cunt but I try to keep my blog PG 13…I call her “the whore” because it’s the truth and the nicest thing I could call her. And you don’t upset me, my husband slept with a whore I have thick skin now…but please don’t try and correct me..SHE IS A WHORE.

    • And I got angry at HER when she lied about being pregnant…lied about details in the relationship and tried to manipulate me. I got mad when she got her ‘bat shit crazy’ mom involved and she joined in the harassment of ME. I got mad at HER when she tried to get my husband fired and when failing at that filed a FALSE RESTRAINING ORDER on my husband. When that failed she still came after us…MY FAMILY. So I don’t know the woman who your husband fucked…but mine fucked the crazy town whore. If you are cheating on a man and cheating on the man you are cheating with? You are a whore, it’s really that simple.

    • Raquel, I appreciate your reply. It is always good to read the perspective of another woman. However, I disagree with the statement that the OW owes us nothing. There is right and wrong in this world. There is common decency. There are morals and there are values. If you have any of these, you would not pursue a married man. We all owe each other something on this earth, and that is (to the best of our ability) to not deliberately, selfishly do harm to one another. Cheating harms children in a marriage most of all, and it is low to do that to another woman’s children. Yes, my husband holds the lion’s share of the blame. HE is the one who brought this woman into our lives. He hates what he did. I don’t think your husband or mine, however, chose the OW over us. They chose to soothe some brokenness inside that had absolutely nothing to do with us. They chose the “quick fix” of attention from some woman who is morally bankrupt. In my case, when my husband ended the affair she bullied me and my older children via various social media sites. She sent gory details to my daughter that no child should have to read about their father and his whore. When my husband ended it and she realized it was well and truly over, she raged and said……I guess that just makes me a whore…… Well said whore. Well said.

  7. brokenjoan says:

    Boo, I am waiting with anticipation for your reply to Raquel, I myself am quite puzzled by her response. XO Joan

  8. kitkat says:

    Boo, don’t let anyone tell you different. What your husband did was wrong. True. But she is a WHORE!!!!

    • Raquel says:

      Cool well it really does come back to the fact that your husband fucked her. You wouldn’t know her, her ‘bat shit crazy’ mother, and would not have had to have her claim she was pregnant, get a restraining order, manipulate or come after you and your family if your husband had not involved her in the first place. If ur husband had not sold out. By calling her names you are just making yourself look petty and jelous. Perhaps you don’t feel that way but for readers who know nothing of you other than your blog, this is how it looks. Try to remember it was your husband who brought this crazy bitch into your life, the fact she refuses to leave it is a testament of how ridiculous his decision was to jeoprodise his family for such an awful woman.

      And also BrokenJoan, I am unsure why you respect prostitutes more than the mistresses. You are aware prostitutes sleep with married men for money?

      Anyway, we disagree in how we view things and term people but, just like you I was wronged and we are both victims so I understand the grief and suffering of you and your family. Thank fully, my partner and myself have been able to fit the pieces back together (albeit it taking a lot of hard work and dedication to our relationship) and he is a wonderful husband and father. As you said, sometimes good people do bad things, but I do hope that you and your husband are able to build your family again. Trust me I am rooting for you both. Tc

      • Raquel, cool use of the F bomb for someone who thinks using the term whore is “beneath” us. Infidelity really does bring out sides of us we never knew existed, doesn’t it? I hold my husband accountable for his share of the blame (majority, because after all he married me and we spoke wedding vows) but I still don’t understand how you can overlook the other person’s responsibility. Does the fault lie with the person who offered? Or with the person who accepted the offer? Because it takes both for an affair to happen.

        In our case, my husband had worked with his affair partner for years. He viewed her as a friend and no lines had ever been crossed. By her own admission, her feelings changed and she set out to get him. When he hit a rough time in his life, she took advantage of it. She saw her chance. HE thought he was talking things over with a trusted friend. She edged the boundaries. YES, he could have stopped it. He could have said no when SHE begged for it to become physical. Like you, we have walked a hard road to healing. Are we completely there yet? No, but we will make it. His whore launches random attacks, and really she is pathetic. These women need to go out and get their own man, and stop waiting for the scraps to fall from another woman’s table.

  9. brokenjoan says:

    Raquel said & I quote,” the other woman never owed us anything & it was not her job to stay away from another woman’s, husband.” I totally disagree with that, isn’t it common decency to stay away from another woman’s’ husband & yes she did owe me & my family respect enough to keep her legs closed when it came to fucking a married man! I’m beginning to think there is more to her story, why is she so upset that you are calling a woman who deliberately went after your husband a WHORE? Would she be happier with cunt or slut, both of those could be used also.

  10. brokenjoan says:

    Well Raquel for one thing a working girl is not trying to lie & manipulate a man, there is no emotional commitment, she’s not trying to forge a wedge between him & his family, emotions do that. She’s fucking for money, these whores that go after married men, are feeding their egos, that they are able to get a man who has a commitment to another woman. My husbands’ whore seemed to love the fact he was married, it made her feel special that he was taking the risk of losing me to be with her. There is nothing special about any of these women, if there was they would be able to find & sustain a relationship with a man that doesn’t belong to someone else! So that’s why if my husband just could not control himself, I would rather he had laid money on a nite stand as he walked out of a hotel, instead of investing 17 months on a woman, who was & is more of a WHORE than any working girl! And it’s just me, but if you don’t like hearing the other woman called a WHORE, you are reading the wrong blogs!!!

    • Raquel says:

      BrokenJoan I am beginning to think your name suits you. You are broken. Broken and bitter to throw names around and accuse me of having more to my story. I do hope you and your husband find healing also. Remember to error is human. Tc

      • Raquel,
        I honestly don’t care how I sound to you, I don’t care if you don’t like the word ‘whore’…but crazy Kelly she says “WHORE…WHORE..WHORE!!!” Now I’m going to say don’t like it? Don’t read my blog but don’t you dare come on my blog and talk to Joan like that…she might be crazy…she might be bitter…and she might be broken (aren’t we all?) but she is my crazy bitter broken friend, and she is welcome here…You aren’t…TC

      • Raquel, how on earth could you, as a betrayed woman, say something so mean to a fellow betrayed woman? I have walked this road long enough to know that we are all in different places on the healing path. And even with that said, we all have bad days. We all have triggers. We all feel angry, hurt, bitter and yes, broken at times. I view Joan as a friend. She is kind, supportive and always willing to offer a helping word. You see, that’s what makes us different from the whores. We are not selfish. We will make a safe place for our friends to let it all out. Then they can smile and continue on the road to healing.

  11. brokenjoan says:

    Yes I am broken & yes I am bitter, but the only name I have thrown around is WHORE & I still stand by that, any woman who fucks a married man is just that. As for your story?

    • Raquel says:

      Lol, dont have a blog airing all your dirty laundry if you are not happy to have people disagree with you even in the smallest way. “Whore” away all you like. Bye

  12. Lol I don’t have any dirty laundry…I’m not a whore my laundry is clean. I could care less about what you have to say LMAO Please go give advice on someone else’s blog, I don’t want a reader like you. Lol you have a nice day in your now ‘perfect’ life, good luck to you and your husband. (I kind of feel sorry for him? Is that wrong?)

  13. brokenjoan says:

    Oh Boo, this is your crazy,bitter, broken friend here, I am still smiling, thank you my friend & I am proud to call you a friend also. Way to stand up to her, you’re not the only one feeling sorry for her husband. XO Joan

  14. Joan I built you a hut on my island a long time ago 🙂 XOXO Kelly

  15. brokenjoan says:

    Grace, thank you for your kind words, having friends like you & Kelly help me feel less broken& alone, I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I can’t think of better friends to travel with. XO Joan

  16. brokenjoan says:

    And Kelly, keep the welcome mat out at the hut! LOL . XO Joan

  17. pabloswife says:

    WOW… just WOW… what a kind and caring community we are… well some of us!! I’m surprised that a fellow betrayed spouse would have such a problem with the word WHORE, I bet she really found offense with skanky cunt!! Anyone who knowingly sleeps with a married man is a whore as is the married man who sleeps with her.

    And Joan?? Bitter?? What on earth does she have to be bitter about?? Probably the same as all the other betrayed spouses on here! Am I bitter? Hell yes!!

  18. brokenjoan says:

    I’m with Pabloswife on this one, this Raquel person, I don’t quite understand where she was coming from, if she had been betrayed wouldn’t she be feeling the least bit upset over some woman screwing her husband! I know she got upset when I said I thought there was more to her story, that just made me more convinced there is. The only other blogs that I know of that rally around the ow are the blogs of the ow, just saying! Hugs to all, Joan

  19. Holy cow — what did I miss??!! Hope all are well on here tonight?

  20. Teela Hart says:

    You don’t know me, BUT, your feelings should never be invalidated by anyone else. It is your right to FEEL what you FEEL and be able to voice that in any way you like without having someone tell you what you should and should not say. TRUE support and validation is accepting, not judgmental. You created this blog to say what you please. If in fact anyone feels the need to correct you or your feelings are not truly supporters nor are they attempting to acknowledge or encourage you in the process of healing. Healing requires that you feel and express your feelings freely and this person should refrain from judgment or even speaking if they are not willing to say I HEAR YOU AND I ACCEPT YOU FOR WHERE YOU ARE. I am truly incensed by the whole remark, you do not deserve that.
    And might I add, there are times when we have to stop and think about what we say: A wise man once said nothing.
    However, I have chosen to say. I hope you don’t mind.
    Hugs and rant on sister.

    • Thank you 🙂 I totally agree, I told my children the same…they get to say and feel however to heal from what was done to them. I’m okay with people not being fans of my blog, I don’t write for them, but for me.

      I’m glad you like my rants though, I think I do it (ranting) quite well lol

      • Teela Hart says:

        You’re a pro. I posted a rant this weekend. It was crude but the way I feel.
        Post was Warning. You may not want to read it, but letting you know I feel ya.
        🙂

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