Crazy for loving you

A friend once made a comment which stuck with me “My husband’s affair made me bipolar.”

It does…affairs make the betrayed spouse crazy. First they make you crazy because when you get suspicious your spouse tells you “You are being crazy…” The pit of your stomach says “He’s lying” but your heart and head can’t wrap themselves around the knowledge they don’t know the person they love. So it’s easier to believe you are crazy, having a midlife crisis, or inventing drama for your boring life.

Fast forward to D-day and on a positive note? You weren’t crazy…the negative? You are now. You are going to feel uncontrollable anger, and heart breaking sorrow…and you will have obsessive thoughts. Triggers will make it all worse.

It is sad because my husband tip toes around me, on good days and bad, he is afraid. On good days he is afraid he will trigger me and cause my laughter to turn to tears. On my bad days he’s afraid the tears will turn to anger, and he will come face to face with ‘Angry Kelly’. I think she makes him sad because I’m not made for anger, I like to laugh, and he knows if the anger consumes me? I will end up a burnt out shell of the person I was, unable to be a mom or wife.

It all scares him now…the mood swings, the depression, the loss of focus. I bet he’d love to have his funny crazy wife back. She used to drive him nuts with her chaos and randomness. He would get irritated with her inappropriate outbursts of laughter.

I got the giggles in bed this weekend over a comment he made as we laid in bed, my head on his chest in the darkness. I giggled until I got the hiccups. He laughed and then he squeezed me to him so tight I thought my ribs were gonna break, and whispered ” I love you Kelly”.

I’m glad because I’m bipolar now and crazy, it would be hard to find a new husband.

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6 Responses to Crazy for loving you

  1. brokenjoan says:

    I’m glad you got the giggles & had that brief moment of happiness in your husbands’ arms, here’s hoping all of us have more giggle time & less crying time! XO Joan

  2. Great post and so true!!!

    Eggshells for dinner, anyone?

  3. Seems only fair! I spent two years tiptoeing around my husband. Trying to keep him “happy” and do everything “right”. I was hyper-alert to the slightest shift in his mood. I was competing for him without knowing it. I don’t have much sympathy on my bad days when I see the sadness and fear in his eyes. Don’t get me wrong, I have more good days than bad days. It gets better and better as time goes on and therapy clicks certain things into place for both of us. I just can’t muster up enough sympathy to attend his pity parties. Sorry brother, you rained this particular hell down on YOURSELF.

  4. julesedison says:

    My husband’s ‘friend’ is bi polar. When I feel the betrayal bi polar emotions start running through me, it makes me feel like he has made me into her. I hate it! I do not want to be anything like that sexual predator! And it’s hard to accept that that is the type of woman who intrigued him. I guess he is stuck with it now. 😉

    • Is she truly bi-polar or just a raging bitch? Lol sorry I get it, I hate how ‘weak’ my husband made me because the whore loved to play the damsel in distress and loved having a man save her. Now I have issues with needing him at all, and letting him do things for me. I’d rather bust open a jar of pickles with a hammer than let him open it for me, but the kids don’t deserve glass shards in their lunch so I’m having to work on it.

  5. julesedison says:

    I think we can say both. Lol.

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