A friend once made a comment which stuck with me “My husband’s affair made me bipolar.”
It does…affairs make the betrayed spouse crazy. First they make you crazy because when you get suspicious your spouse tells you “You are being crazy…” The pit of your stomach says “He’s lying” but your heart and head can’t wrap themselves around the knowledge they don’t know the person they love. So it’s easier to believe you are crazy, having a midlife crisis, or inventing drama for your boring life.
Fast forward to D-day and on a positive note? You weren’t crazy…the negative? You are now. You are going to feel uncontrollable anger, and heart breaking sorrow…and you will have obsessive thoughts. Triggers will make it all worse.
It is sad because my husband tip toes around me, on good days and bad, he is afraid. On good days he is afraid he will trigger me and cause my laughter to turn to tears. On my bad days he’s afraid the tears will turn to anger, and he will come face to face with ‘Angry Kelly’. I think she makes him sad because I’m not made for anger, I like to laugh, and he knows if the anger consumes me? I will end up a burnt out shell of the person I was, unable to be a mom or wife.
It all scares him now…the mood swings, the depression, the loss of focus. I bet he’d love to have his funny crazy wife back. She used to drive him nuts with her chaos and randomness. He would get irritated with her inappropriate outbursts of laughter.
I got the giggles in bed this weekend over a comment he made as we laid in bed, my head on his chest in the darkness. I giggled until I got the hiccups. He laughed and then he squeezed me to him so tight I thought my ribs were gonna break, and whispered ” I love you Kelly”.
I’m glad because I’m bipolar now and crazy, it would be hard to find a new husband.