Last Name

I said “Yay for you” to my husband the other day…he got a promotion at work and was starting his new job the next day. I reminded him of his new job, how proud I was and ended it with a “Yay for you”, then I realized what I had said and that it was a whore phrase. She had phrases, and words she liked to use, and now when I hear them I want to scream. After I said it to my husband, I stopped talking and immediately left the room, mumbling “I gotta go wash out my mouth now.”

Words my husband can’t use towards me? Baby, Sweetie, Honey…all forbidden…he didn’t use them a lot before the affair with me. I’m not a mushy person, a person that needs to be gushed over. I’m a matter-of-fact get to the point, my name is Kelly kind of girl. I have a nickname given by my dad when I was little which my husband has always used…’Kilroy’ don’t ask me how it came about, I don’t remember. He calls me ‘Kilroy’ and ‘Momma’, I know ‘Momma’ is a little weird. (says the girl who thinks Kilroy isn’t). He doesn’t refer to me as his ‘Momma’, lord knows the issues we’d have to go into if that was the case, he calls me it only when we are around the kids. It started with “Ask your Momma to do it” and “Does ‘Momma’ say it’s okay?” and has morphed into him calling me it more than my given name.

He still calls me Kelly and lately he adds in our last name…the adding of my last name is new since the affair. At first it startled me, no one calls me my whole name, but it’s now a daily occurrence. He uses it when he tells me he loves me and he wants me to listen to the words. I can’t count how many times he’s said “I love you Kelly **** (insert last name here)”. I think he does it because he wants to make the words break through to my heart. I know he does it because he wants to remind me, we are linked by our last names. I have carried his last name longer than I did my own, it seems strange for it to be anything else. In the first year every time I thought about leaving, I’d wonder if I would keep his name or take back my own, and I struggled with the thought. I earned that name, and I had done nothing to tarnish it, so I often thought I’d keep it. On my really bad days I’d decide he could change his last name instead, it was only fair. To what? I didn’t care but I had some suggestions…bastard, asshole, liar, cheating bastard…he could take his choice.

Today we still share the same name, and luckily it’s not a trigger for me. As for me, I’m going to go back to having intelligent exclamations of joy like “I am so excited for you to be progressing in your career and starting a new venture.” I don’t like the taste of dumb whore in my mouth.

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8 Responses to Last Name

  1. eg0ground0 says:

    I’ve been thinking about this issue for a while and with his request for divorce on Sunday, I have thought about it even more. I have very little interest in keeping his last name, for the most part. Even though we were together for 12 years, we were only legally married for 3 1/2. The big issue for me is that I am a teacher and I will have the same students next year as I do now. They know I am married and it would be difficult and painful to have to explain the name change. I’m a little worried that hearing my married name every day for a year will be very painful too. It’s hard to say what the right thing to do is.

    • If it’s painful, let it go. It might be a good lesson for your kids/students, that life and love are painful but you lived through it. Kids are also kind I have seen it first hand so change your name it will be less painful in the end.

      I have four kids with my husband, oldest 3 boys so I will always have to see/hear it.

  2. It’s interesting about his use of your full name and I get it…His use adds a level of seriousness and depth…to get your attention and really hear him when he says he loves you.

    I give you both a lot of credit for getting through this! Kudos!! Xoxox

    And, Ego…I would consider changing your name…I think kids are pretty resilient and smart. Some of them probably have different surnames from their parents, too. Make yourself happy and healthy. That’s the goal!

  3. pabloswife says:

    I guess him using your full name is akin to a parent calling a child by their real name to get their attention. If I call Johnnie he’s likely to ignore me. If I say Jonathon, his ears prick up and he knows to listen and give me his full attention. He may also be using it as a gentle reminder that you are his 🙂

    • I get it but some days (the bad ones) I want to scream at him “I’m not yours anymore you traded me in for a whore…we broke up 3 years ago he just didn’t tell me, and now you want to be possessive?” But most days it just makes me sad because he loves Kelly **** and she died of a broken heart and left me in her place ….did I mention the whole ‘having a bad day’ thing? I’m afraid to write today and what might come out…

      • pabloswife says:

        Write away… its good to let it all out, both the good and the bad, and sometimes the writing is like the lancing of a boil… whilst it might be painful at that moment, the spewing of poison can bring great relief. Not that I’ve ever had a boil but you get my drift 🙂

  4. brokenjoan says:

    Some days my husband seems like a boil on my ass I need to lance, which might be painful at first, but might provide me great relief!!! Good analogy, I’ll keep that tucked in the corner of my now festering, diseased mind, which could explode, spewing all over hubby any day now!!!

  5. Keep writing, Kelly. Get it out, so to speak. Hugs.

    Happy Pi Day…may it be a better day!

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