I said “Yay for you” to my husband the other day…he got a promotion at work and was starting his new job the next day. I reminded him of his new job, how proud I was and ended it with a “Yay for you”, then I realized what I had said and that it was a whore phrase. She had phrases, and words she liked to use, and now when I hear them I want to scream. After I said it to my husband, I stopped talking and immediately left the room, mumbling “I gotta go wash out my mouth now.”
Words my husband can’t use towards me? Baby, Sweetie, Honey…all forbidden…he didn’t use them a lot before the affair with me. I’m not a mushy person, a person that needs to be gushed over. I’m a matter-of-fact get to the point, my name is Kelly kind of girl. I have a nickname given by my dad when I was little which my husband has always used…’Kilroy’ don’t ask me how it came about, I don’t remember. He calls me ‘Kilroy’ and ‘Momma’, I know ‘Momma’ is a little weird. (says the girl who thinks Kilroy isn’t). He doesn’t refer to me as his ‘Momma’, lord knows the issues we’d have to go into if that was the case, he calls me it only when we are around the kids. It started with “Ask your Momma to do it” and “Does ‘Momma’ say it’s okay?” and has morphed into him calling me it more than my given name.
He still calls me Kelly and lately he adds in our last name…the adding of my last name is new since the affair. At first it startled me, no one calls me my whole name, but it’s now a daily occurrence. He uses it when he tells me he loves me and he wants me to listen to the words. I can’t count how many times he’s said “I love you Kelly **** (insert last name here)”. I think he does it because he wants to make the words break through to my heart. I know he does it because he wants to remind me, we are linked by our last names. I have carried his last name longer than I did my own, it seems strange for it to be anything else. In the first year every time I thought about leaving, I’d wonder if I would keep his name or take back my own, and I struggled with the thought. I earned that name, and I had done nothing to tarnish it, so I often thought I’d keep it. On my really bad days I’d decide he could change his last name instead, it was only fair. To what? I didn’t care but I had some suggestions…bastard, asshole, liar, cheating bastard…he could take his choice.
Today we still share the same name, and luckily it’s not a trigger for me. As for me, I’m going to go back to having intelligent exclamations of joy like “I am so excited for you to be progressing in your career and starting a new venture.” I don’t like the taste of dumb whore in my mouth.