Last week was ‘the whore’s’ birthday…
How to celebrate? I wanted to send her a gift in the mail, but I’m horrible at picking out gifts. What do you send someone like her which will express the right amount of gratitude for knowingly sleeping with a married man, aka my husband? I thought about a pregnancy test, so next time she lies to a wife she can send her a faked one along with her letters of “Hey from the goodness of my heart I’m telling you this”. The Dollar Store was out of them though and I can’t go over my budget for her. I thought about sending her my blog, printed off with the cover being a zoomed in picture of her fat thigh being strangled by her beloved garter. I even had the title ready “Whore’s a hard smell to get out”, but the shipping was once again over my ‘one dollar budget’. I wanted to name a star after her but guess what? They won’t let you put “The Can Can Whore” on a star…those self righteous bastards wouldn’t even listen to my argument of “But that’s her name and she likes it I swear she does, she wears it proudly and loudly as she struts about town looking like a whorish peacock” They refused, I got mad, they hung up…sigh…she will never have a star named after her. Jenny Craig won’t deliver meals to Alaska so I am stumped…totally and completely stumped.
So here I sit depressed because I didn’t get to help her celebrate, and I hear she is aging so well. She is turning into her mother, I’m hoping by her 40th I will have saved enough to help her get her stomach banded too, just like ‘bat shit crazy’ did…I have an old dog food dish I’m saving a penny a day in, I hope to deliver it to her in person someday. So instead today I will just have to sing her ‘Happy Birthday’ loudly and off-key so maybe she will hear me.
“Happy Birthday to ‘The Whore’
Happy Birthday to ‘The Whore’
Happy Birthday dear ‘The Whore’
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ‘THE WHORE’!!!!”