I have thought lately what would I write to my husband if I could send him a letter through time? Brad Paisley wrote a country song about writing a letter to his past self. I used to love Brad Paisley but ‘the whore’ sent my husband the lyrics to ‘She’s Everything’. I used to sing/scream to the song in my car and think about my husband now it makes me feel ill.
I know on this day you have told me you love me for the first time. Do I still lay beside you? My head on your Mickey Mouse pillow case, my heart so full of a young girls love it feels like it might burst, and my head consumed with thoughts of you. Or have I headed back to my dorm room to change and rush through homework? Where ever this letter finds you, it’s me, Kelly and I need you to save us.
We get married…how’s that for crazy? Crazier still…we have four kids, three dogs and a cat.We grew up, and somewhere along the way you stopped loving me. I know right now you are laughing and thinking I’m crazy you aren’t ever having four kids and you’ll never stop loving me. You do both…
You have three boys, the oldest looks like you, and a daughter. Someday you will hear the words ‘Daddy…’ said in a sweet crazy little girl drawl and its gonna melt your heart. Someday you are gonna hear me scream in pain as I ask you “Are you having an affair?” And it’s gonna break your heart, but the damage will be done.
I don’t know if you can stop what’s gonna happen, but I’m begging you to try. The girl you love right now, who giggles and talks too much? She is gonna die, you are gonna kill her with your actions. So I’m asking you to remember how you feel right now and when you are your future self, and you find a woman you want more? You call and tell Kelly…you let her go. The truth is gonna hurt her, but your lies they will break her.
Maybe you can’t change the future, maybe it’s already wrote in stone, but I didn’t know who else to ask. As I sit here in the future, broken and sad, all I keep wanting is you. The skinny kid who told me he loved me, the one who gave up everything to be with me, the love of my life. I just want you to save me…from you.
Always and Forever,