My Letter to Me

I have thought lately what would I write to my husband if I could send him a letter through time? Brad Paisley wrote a country song about writing a letter to his past self. I used to love Brad Paisley but ‘the whore’ sent my husband the lyrics to ‘She’s Everything’. I used to sing/scream to the song in my car and think about my husband now it makes me feel ill.

My letter…

My husband,
I know on this day you have told me you love me for the first time. Do I still lay beside you? My head on your Mickey Mouse pillow case, my heart so full of a young girls love it feels like it might burst, and my head consumed with thoughts of you. Or have I headed back to my dorm room to change and rush through homework? Where ever this letter finds you, it’s me, Kelly and I need you to save us.

We get married…how’s that for crazy? Crazier still…we have four kids, three dogs and a cat.We grew up, and somewhere along the way you stopped loving me. I know right now you are laughing and thinking I’m crazy you aren’t ever having four kids and you’ll never stop loving me. You do both…

You have three boys, the oldest looks like you, and a daughter. Someday you will hear the words ‘Daddy…’ said in a sweet crazy little girl drawl and its gonna melt your heart. Someday you are gonna hear me scream in pain as I ask you “Are you having an affair?” And it’s gonna break your heart, but the damage will be done.

I don’t know if you can stop what’s gonna happen, but I’m begging you to try. The girl you love right now, who giggles and talks too much? She is gonna die, you are gonna kill her with your actions. So I’m asking you to remember how you feel right now and when you are your future self, and you find a woman you want more? You call and tell Kelly…you let her go. The truth is gonna hurt her, but your lies they will break her.

Maybe you can’t change the future, maybe it’s already wrote in stone, but I didn’t know who else to ask. As I sit here in the future, broken and sad, all I keep wanting is you. The skinny kid who told me he loved me, the one who gave up everything to be with me, the love of my life. I just want you to save me…from you.

Always and Forever,
Kilroy

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9 Responses to My Letter to Me

  1. brokenjoan says:

    Kelly this brought tears to my eyes!!! Hugs from Joan

  2. Love your blog, how about you check my blog out too:-) Hope you can enjoy it. Happy blogging!

  3. pabloswife says:

    Oh Kelly, that’s so sad! I hope you print off a copy of this and give it to your husband, it may be a few years too late but I think he deserves to read the letter from his young, hopeful, full of love and longing wife. xx

    • He won’t read my blog…he says it hurts too much, I’m starting to think so what? Does he not think I cry when I write the hard ones…I wish my husband was like yours, I give yours props for reading your blog cuz you don’t sugar coat any thoughts. Maybe I should make mine read yours instead 🙂

  4. pabloswife says:

    LOL… mine reads it sometimes, when I pester him, but this morning I set him up as a follower so he’ll have easier access to it. I think its important for him to read it. Its easier for me to write what I want to say because I don’t argue with myself (well not very often anyway!) and we don’t end up screaming at each other or me falling into a sobbing heap. He needs to know what HE’S done to me, I think its important. I think your husband should at least read your letter Kelly. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time. XX

  5. ” The girl you love right now, who giggles and talks too much? She is gonna die, you are gonna kill her with your actions. So I’m asking you to remember how you feel right now and when you are your future self, and you find a woman you want more? You call and tell Kelly…you let her go. The truth is gonna hurt her, but your lies they will break her.”

    So powerful.

  6. Poppy says:

    Tears are streaming down my face right now as I read this. So powerful!!! Our hearts are so precious and they stomped on them and threw them away.

  7. KcRambles says:

    Wow! I read this and now I have a lump in my throat and tears swimming in my eyes.

    I’m so sorry you had to go through this pain.

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