Say Something

I’m a talker…a person who needs to talk, to have conversations, to be heard and to hear.

My husband isn’t. He is a sweep it under the rug, change the conversation, ‘Hey I’ll make you laugh’ kind of guy. I let him be the person he wanted, I accepted it and the path he led me down. It was a journey filled with conversations about work, cattle and kids…we, our relationship was never going to be a talking point. I saw where his path, his decisions took us, and I refuse to follow again. I refuse to have talks about kids and not about me…my feelings, my wants, my needs.

He can’t keep changing the subject and hoping it goes away. ‘The whore’ is here in my life, and he can’t just keep covering her with a tablecloth and thinking I’ll finally accept her as a side table in my living room. I still see her thunder thighs sticking out from the cloth when I walk by, and unless the ceiling fan is on high I can smell whore wafting through my house. There are some things you can’t sweep under the rug, and wish away.

I want to stand in the middle of my house and scream at him to talk to me.

“Talk to me!!! Talk until your voice is gone, your throat is dry and you have no rational thoughts left in your head!! And then? If I need to talk some more you’d better get a drink, suck on a mint and talk some more!!”

He has to say something…

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8 Responses to Say Something

  1. Confused Wife says:

    Not talking will only allow resentment, anger, frustration and ultimately hate to grow in both your hearts.
    She’s a part of your lives now, and the sooner he accepts that the better for both of your sanity stake.
    Don’t allow her to become the unspoken subject, sitting on your shoulders like the grim reaper waiting for the day when she’ll desend on your marriage again, only this time causing irreversible damage.
    Make her into a subject that can be discussed in the light – no darkness about her and what she could represent.

  2. pabloswife says:

    UGH… I totally get this!!!!! It is so FUCKING frustrating to live with someone like that!! We too never really talked much about our relationship so I never had a clue that he wasn’t happy, because he never told me!! How can you change something if you don’t know its broken?? I just thought we’d been together for 25 years (at the time), had 4 kids and were busy!! Little did I know he was face deep in whore!!

    Well, like you, I do know, and like you, we will no longer be sweeping our shit under the carpet, because we know that that just doesn’t work. You can’t live in a house with all that shit under your carpets… best to have wooden floors, you can’t hide jack shit under those but you will forever be surrounded by dust bunnies 🙂

    I hope he starts talking because you need to hear his words xx

  3. Thank you for this post…it POSITIVELY triggered something in me. I have decided on an action. I am a mother of two young men. I need to break the cycle of non communication. So, I’m going to talk to my sons and tell them that the most intimate (yes, even more intimate than sex) is sharing their heart, mind and soul by talking with the women they will commit to in their lives. They need to learn to TALK and if they don’t it will prove to be a difficult and heartbreaking path for them.

    I am frustrated all the time with the lack of real conversation in my marriage. I want better for me and for my sons.


  4. pabloswife says:

    I agree Tempted, this is definitely something I will talk to my kids about. Communication is soooo important, more important that I ever believed. And even when you think you are communicating, communicate some more!

  5. Katie says:

    I wish you the best of luck getting him to talk. My husband was a non-talker. I wish I had some useful advice, but I pitched him. When he told me he could talk to his mistress in a way that he couldn’t talk to me, I said out with the old, in with someone who isn’t a giant dickwad.

    If your husband knows what’s good for him, for you, for your family, he’ll start spilling his guts. I will cross my fingers and hope that starts happening! Good luck and best wishes. xoxo

    • Katie he talked after Dday, but now a year later when I struggle he clams up. Sometimes I think because he doesn’t want to disturb the past in fear of EVERYTHING rising to the surface.

      Your ex sounds like a complete asshole, I’d have kicked him to the curb too.

  6. Poppy says:

    My husband isn’t a talker either and I get everything you’re saying. It makes me want to scream at him some days. He doesn’t want to talk about things that’ll upset me, or repeat the same conversations over and over.

    I’m sorry but this is how I am and he made this happen. He broke my heart.

    • You do realize, they might not want to talk, but you get to ask whatever, whenever you want? He has to help you with the healing, or it will never happen in the marriage. You can heal alone, yes, but if you do you won’t stay married. Just my two cents worth.

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