I wonder who my daughter would be if the affair hadn’t happened…
I’m not the same person I was, couldn’t be if I tried, so I’m not the mom I was to my boys. I catch myself sometimes rolling my eyes when she plays “princess” and explaining stories to her.
We laid in bed the other night watching Shrek, and as he came into the tower to save the princess I paused the movie..
“You know what’s wrong with this Lou,” I asked as she looked at me in surprise for stopping during an exciting part.” She was waiting for the prince to save her. She should have climbed down the tower and slayed the dragon herself!! We don’t wait on a man to save us…”
Lou nodded in agreement with me and I pushed play. It’s not the first time she’s heard the words. She should be listening to fairy tales and ‘Happily Ever After’ instead she gets lectured about depending on a man.
When she complains of a feed bucket being heavy, she hears “You can lift it…you are stronger than you think!!”
When a spider scares her and she screams for a ‘Bubba’ to kill it? I hand her a shoe and tell her “Kill it!! You aren’t scared!!”
When night comes and shadows scare her as she walks through the house? I tell her “Monsters aren’t real, look at the shadow and see what it is…You aren’t going to hide with covers over your head.”
I don’t want my daughter to be like me when she’s grown, I want her to be more. I want her to be prepared for real life, not to be shocked when it gets ugly and hard. I want her to yell at little girls who scream when boys pull their piggy tails…
“What is you’s stupid? Stop screaming for a teacher to save you and make them quit yourself!! Hand me your shoe and I’ll show you what to do…”
I want her to be tough enough to always save her own damn self…
Happiness used to live here...surviving an affair 
awww, she will be ok mama!
my five yr old son is scared of spiders, shadows and hates heavy lifting too 😀 my 13 yr old, until about 2 years ago was THE clingy little mummies boy.
sometimes we can actually worry too much about our kids and they end up getting the complexes we were trying to avoid!
but hey, its not just a girl thing, what do you think men are doing having affairs? looking for someone to SAVE THEM!
and btw, once the dust clears, you will be soooo much stronger, and youll end up an even better role model for her because of it! promise!
tell you what is worth so much more… is knowing mummy will be there to save her… 32 years old, and i ran home to my mum in the middle of all this mess… ill never forget, the day i called her… she was in the car, on her way to get me, before we even hung up the phone. she lives two hours away… meant the absolute world to me.
Kelly, you are & will be a strong role model for your daughter, she will see that in you, especially as she gets older! Hugs from Joan
I think it’s very admirable the way you’re trying to help your daughter become a strong independent woman. I hope she is able to find the balance between mature, romantic, respectful love (if that’s what she wants) and life as an independent, thoughtful woman. I think this is something we all struggle with, whether we have boys or girls. I’m going to be the primary parent of my little boy now that my husband plans to run off with his mistress. I worry every day how I’m going to mold him into a respectful, stand-up, caring man…one who doesn’t turn out the way his asshole father did. I don’t know how exactly I’m going to navigate those waters, but I’m taking it one day at a time.
Peace and strength to you (and to the spiders) 🙂
I’m scared I’m going to turn her into a man hating feminist…hopefully her love for her brothers keeps her from it. Do you plan to tell your son about his fathers affair or hide it? My sons know and while they love their dad I know they hate his actions. I don’t worry about them being anything other than the young men I have raised. They will not follow in their fathers footsteps or I will be there to beat them with a shoe 🙂
Ditto on “never being the same person even if you tried” Even though I’m trying to heal from it, I KNOW I won’t ever have the same trust back 😦 My experience will ALWAYS keep me preparing for the worst!