I Cross My Heart

I was talking to my husband this weekend, about me.

I know ‘crazy ‘ words you be speaking Kelly. It’s me too ‘Sane Kelly’ talking ‘Crazy Kelly’ is taking a nap, hopefully a long one she is exhausting to keep under control.

The wedding had her and ‘Sad Kelly’ bubbling to the surface, I’m happy to report neither made an appearance and I was able to be there for my ‘kid’. I was bossy and busy, flying around the reception, and at times I felt normal. It reminded me of being happy, which hurt.

Happy days make me sad, how screwed up am I that on the days when I feel happy it’s followed by sadness. Watching two kids I love get married surrounded by my family makes me sad. I told my husband this weekend…

“I remember how it felt to be happy, I remember being completely happy…and I don’t know if I will ever feel that way again.” 

Sixteen months later and happy still hurts, because I know it won’t last. 

Happy thoughts for you all to ponder this deary Monday morning. 

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3 Responses to I Cross My Heart

  1. Confused Wife says:

    I think that’s completely normal. We’ve all suffered massive emotional trauma and it’s going to take along time to heal x

  2. brokenjoan says:

    My husbands’ affair showed me nothing is forever, I thought love was, but love flies out the window as soon as some whore spreads her legs!!! Now of course he’s madly in love with me again & just doesn’t know how he could have done such a thing, I’m sure those words are familiar to all of you out there in BS land! BULLSHIT!!!

  3. I had a bunch of family photos up on my kitchen wall. I told my husband I was taking them down, as I couldn’t bear to see photos of us all smiling, happy. They reminded me of happier times and that in itself would reduce me to tears. Now they’ve all gone, I no longer have daily reminders rubbed in my face. I no longer sit starting at the photos, wondering if my husband really loved me then or was thinking of cheating or had already cheated. I feel saner than I have in days. How sad is that?! Great to hear you coped relatively well with the wedding. Congratulations all round!

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