Lying Eyes

I found a blog of a man who cheated on his wife and read it yesterday.

It could have been wrote by my husband (grammar errors and all). He is now head over heels in love with his broken wife, and wants to repair their marriage. I listened to his words of guilt and grief, and I felt bad for him and my husband. Yet as I read the last page he still couldn’t explain “Why”. 

I know, I know, I STINKING KNOW!!! We will never ever know why…EVER!! Our minds will be given reasons and facts, but our hearts will never fully understand. I read in every quiet moment yesterday obsessively hoping this man could finally give me an answer which gave my heart peace, maybe he could explain in words which made sense.

Today I find my heart heavy because no answers were found. The ‘Holy Grail’, the magic eight ball, the map to the truth I thought I found? It was just a man writing a blog about his wife’s anguish over his affair. No answers were found there. 

I know I have to accept that no answer to “Why People Cheat” will ever be satisfying to my heart. I wish I had the self-control to stop looking for an answer and just let my quest for knowledge go

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9 Responses to Lying Eyes

  1. I too searched for that answer. A deeper meaning. A deeper answer. After all, there must be a grand explanation that can validate the great length and depth of deceptions – and the risk of destroying your family and spouse.

    Logically there has to be a great reason. Look what’s at stake??

    Sadly – there is no great answer. There is no deeper meaning to balance the scales of what leveraged for nights of sexual trysts.

    The simplest answer – I have found – is often the most accurate. My wife slept with another man because she wanted to sleep with another man.

    There can be sentiments of entitlement, excitement, danger, newness – all that is fluff.

    Short and sweet – she wanted to have sex with another man. It free’s me up from having to think of deeper meanings – because there isn’t one. I have to say it was Chump Lady who turned on to this idea. Her conclusion for why people cheat is very simple.
    She believes that people want to have sex with someone else while having sex with someone at home, and the safety of a family. It’s the classic having your cake and eating it too.

    Hope you find the answer to your question…though I think you already have.

  2. Nephila says:

    It sounds old fashioned and the OW here (and everywhere) ridicule it but it comes down to character. People either think it’s ok or they don’t. If they think it’s ok (in the circumstances) then that’s a character flaw. Like someone who thinks it’s ok to hit people. But it is fixable with remorse.

  3. pabloswife says:

    Why?? Because they wanted to. Because they were somehow broken, and because wanted something or someone to make them feel better about themselves. They could have turned to drink, they could have turned to drugs, instead they self medicated with whore!

  4. brokenjoan says:

    The biggest WHY to me is, “WHY did they feel they had to turn to someone other than their wives.” This whole sordid mess will torment me the rest of my life, how could they think their problems would be better if they fucked a whore, in what dumb recess of a mans’ mind does cheating on their wives equate doing anything to alleviate any problem whatsoever? It doesn’t, it’s a bunch of bull shit that the cheater spoon feeds us after they’re caught, they wanted sex from someone other than us & I guess if we could just wrap our head around that, we could quit asking “WHY.” I wish it was that simple, in the meantime that little word is driving me crazier than I already am if that’s possible!!!

  5. pabloswife says:

    I think that’s the problem Joan, they didn’t think! Not with their brains anyway!!

  6. bamboozled1 says:

    because they could… because they thought they wouldnt get caught, because they wanted to,

    they want someone to tell them theyre amazing…
    theyre getting old and love feels like being a teenager…
    because theyre sad and pathetic and cant keep their dirty fucking urges to themselves…

    because that other person hasnt put up with years of dirty socks and farts under the blankets…
    because that other person probably hasnt laughed in their face about something (or ignored, or some other offensive thing that the cheater is guilty of too) they said or did that meant more than they let on…

    because that other person let them.

    but i feel you… because if i had had a problem… i would have turned to him. when i did have a problem, i turned to him… and he made fun of me, and ignored me.

    i should have had an affair. but oh wait, i didnt… because.

    the rest of the answers are in their history and their character, and needs, and values… or lack of… and i have a good set of those, mostly *wink* or maybe i just didnt have the opportunity.

  7. The answer is…candy.
    They thought they were in a ALL YOU CAN EAT candy store.

  8. I just don’t like any of the answers…I want to say BOOFUCKINGHOO to all our cheating spouses…not enough sex? Disconnected? disrespected? Ego not stroked?


  9. brokenjoan says:

    I agree tempted, I don’t like any of the reasons our cheaters give us either, cry me a river for all their sad sorry asses, they all need it now, the old ball & chain have them by their short hairs!!!

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