I went for a haircut/color today, it’s kind of like therapy for me.
I’ve known my hairstylist for 18 years, and somewhere along the way she became a friend. We watched each other grow-up and have seen the others ups and downs along the way. If you are around me for more than 20 minutes one of two things will happen:
1)You will either fall in love with me and learn my life’s story. 2) Decide you can’t stand me and wish I would shut up.
She fell in the first category, and every time I go we talk and catch up the whole time. She follows my blog, and progress of healing from the affair through it.
Today when I showed up I asked her “What are we gonna do with my hair today?”. A long time ago I figured out it was easier to just turn my head over to her, she is kind of hair Nazi and will tell me NO if she thinks I’m making a mistake. She won’t let me get mad and cut off all my hair, or decide “Hey I think I want purple hair cuz I just found out my husband is having an affair!!”. Luckily today we had the same idea, something fun and different. I said short and maybe some red in it…side note I sometimes get crazy and put some bronzy brown in my dark hair, I know someone check her in she’s done gone crazy. I stopped almost two years ago because ‘the whore’ does it to her’s, not as well because she doesn’t know my friend but she does it and then posts her endless selfies on Facebook. So the red has been a trigger and I never said anything, but decided I was gonna take my old self back…My stylist smiled real big and said “What about going blond?”
I am forty and I have never been blond. My mom would never let me “Ruin my hair” while in high school, and I chickened out anytime after I was an adult. When I’d mention it to my stylist in passing she’d remind me “It’s a lot of up keep” because she knows me. I am random and show up a couple of times a year, I don’t ‘cheat’ on her, I’ve seen the nasty results when I do. As I’ve always said if I’m going to cheat I will cheat up and there is no cheating up from her, she’s my George Clooney of hair. “Blond?” I asked intrigued. She pulled up a picture of her idea, because she had already decided from reading my words on here “I needed something fun and different”. I looked at the picture and said “Let’s do it.”
We laughed for the next 90 minutes and worked on each other’s problems…she asks the hard questions, no sugar-coating, no pretense of beating around the bush, she just asks. She gave my youngest three all their first hair cuts, she has teared up as I cried in her chair over the affair, and she has cheered for me as I started blogging and stepped back into the light. She asks “How are you really?” “How are the both of you?” “How do you move on?” “Is blogging helping?” “Can I see a picture of ‘the whore'” and a hundred other questions which make me stop and self analyze. She gave me some really good advice the first week after D Day “You either have to walk away, Or you have to figure out how to move on.”, simple advice really but Lord wasn’t it the truth.
I have decided to move on, that’s why I blog, why I keep walking down this path with him. Her advice 17 months ago still rings true in my ears today. She let me get a crazy make-over because she doesn’t want me to be the same as I was, inside or out, I’m different now. Maybe it’s time I embraced the differences in myself and let go of what I will never be again. I will never be a fool, I will never lie to myself, I will never trust blindly, I will never believe fairy tales, I will never be innocent…but I am stronger, I am braver, I am kinder, I am a bigger badass than I EVER thought possible, and now I am blonder than I have ever been. She gave my husband a different wife, and me a different face in the mirror. It’s not the answer, but maybe it’s a start to the journey.
Yesterday was my coming out party, and the only question my stylist had left for me was “To bang or not to bang? That is the question”
I think I’ll bang…