I’m getting ready to go on vacation.
It’s a whole mess of triggers in its self, but I refuse not to go…I love the beach. I’m not going to talk about the triggers today, I’m dealing with the lingering whispers in my head this week, and I feel like if I let them to the surface completely they will overwhelm me. Last year I drank too much and spent 3 hours in the ocean, talking to my future daughter-in-law…she’s a sweet girl, and still loves me anyway. But I got a terrible sunburn, hangover, and spent the night crying quietly in bed trying not to wake the whole house. So hey triggers, and you over there…YES YOU!! You nasty ass hateful, lying, manipulative whore…”Shut the Hell up!!” I’m going on vacation, and you can go choke on a truffle.
So if you didn’t hear I’m going on vacation, and we stay at an ocean front beach house in Florida. What do I like to do? I like to soak up the sun, feel the sand between my toes, splash in the ocean, and read. I love to read, and on vacation I get to catch up. I usually take a book I haven’t read yet, one I’ve put off buying and ‘splurge’ on it for vacation. I don’t have a nook, or a kindle, old-fashioned I know but I love the feel of a book in my hands. It makes me feel like a happy kid again, hiding behind the couch reading my mom’s Stephen King books because she didn’t think I was old enough in 4th grade to read them. I wasn’t, they gave me nightmares but I kept on reading them. In his books the good guys die, bad shit happens and the ‘winners’ only win by not giving up. Maybe as a kid I knew in my heart Cinderella was a dumb whore, who was going to be disappointed in her ‘happily ever after’ in the end.
“Hey you silly young girl, you are going to get the black plague from those mice you insist on playing with, and do you really think Charming is going to love you when you aren’t the ‘hot’ sister anymore? He loved you for your looks and little feet, not your winning personality. You might want to get into marriage counseling now before you have a house full of kids and stretch marks, those things will rob you of your youth and sanity.” Sorry, have I mentioned I hate Disney Princesses? But while I’m ranting “Yo whore, Tinkerbell doesn’t want to be your next tattoo, she’s a children’s storybook character, not a decoration meant for your fat ass!!”
So I went to the book store and wandered through looking…I have to be careful these days because you never know what triggers I will find in print, or what ‘sweet’ love story is going to make me throw the book into the ocean while screaming “Bull Butter!! Love doesn’t exist like that in the real world!!” So instead of making a scene I decided to reread a safe book “A Dance With Dragons” by George Martin. I know what you are all saying…”Huh? How is that safe Kelly? It’s full of infidelity, emotionally scarred people, and assholes…” I agree, welcome to the real world.
When I first found out about the affair I was afraid I was going to have to give up ‘Game of Thrones’, I didn’t think I could handle it. Then after starting the series over with my husband his first winter home, I realized I was seeing it with new eyes. If you haven’t watched it, please do, but in the meantime it’s a ‘Knight’s Tale’ bred with ‘King Arthur’ crossed with ‘Son’s of Anarchy’ with some ‘Lord of the Rings’ thrown in…and in the center of the story sits Cersei and she is one cold-hearted mean bitch.
First time I read the books and watched the series I hated her. She was a woman who was so warped and crazy, you cheered when bad things happened to her, you waited eagerly for her to get hurt. Second time I watched it, I cried for her as she confronted her husband asking him if he ever loved her. His answer was no, but you learn in the scene that she had once loved him, until he cheated on her over and over, flaunting his whores in her face. At that moment I felt a connection with the crazy, messed up Cersei, I knew how she felt and could finally understand why she was the person she was. I don’t hate her character anymore, I pity her, and maybe deep inside cheer for her a little.
I don’t want to be her, she let her grief and anger turn her into a horrible person. I fight every single day not to become a Cersei in training, poisoning my husband’s drink, and giving into the dark. Instead I’m going to lay on the beach with a book and drink in my hand, watching my children play in the ocean, and letting my face find the sun.
Just a random side note, but I really want a dragon. I’d only do good with it I promise…I would not fly it to Alaska and roast a whore with it.
I’d be a really, really good Mother of Dragons 🙂
“I found out long ago
It’s a long way down the holiday road
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Take a ride on the West Coast kick