I’m trying to side step all my vacation triggers this week.
Last year I was still a newbie to triggers, and it was a struggle…every single minute of every single day to just get through the day. I’ve gotten better, a little smarter, a little stronger, and I I’ve learned to deal. There are still hard days, and still days I stumble upon one, and am like “Shit!! I didn’t see that one coming!!” but most days I can step around them.
In my house, my home, my ordinary life I know where all the triggers are. It’s like walking in the dark to the bathroom, I know where the dresser is, Laney’s scattered toys, and the trunk at the foot of our bed. I can make it without stubbing a toe or hitting my shin, no problem. I know how to get out of my bedroom in the morning to get a cup of coffee without waking anyone up, don’t hit the creaky board in front of our door or a sleeping Lou will be up, my morning silence broken. At the beach house I keep finding myself with a throbbing toe, and bruised shin, I’m still trying to find my way in the dark here. I’m stepping on every creaky board, and it’s waking the voices in my head.
I love the beach house, sandy beaches and sound of the waves, but the triggers suck. I keep finding myself drifting out of the sunshine and into the shadows. I’m hoping I can hurry up and figure out which boards are squeaking and fix them, or just rip them out and replace them with new. I’d like my triggers gone and my toes in the sand for the rest of my vacation, and I’d rather do it without having to drown them out with rum and vodka. Last year that method got me one hell of a sunburn.
I’m going to apply some extra sunscreen just in case.
“I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand
Life is good today. Life is good today.”
-Zac Brown Band-