My Heart Will Go On

I was told someone had asked a friend if I had cancer or if I was dying.

I used to share my blog on my facebook sometimes, when I felt like it or when it mentioned a friend and this person had read a little and had gotten confused. I don’t share so much anymore, because I try to keep this world and my other world separate. Too many people were getting confused and were afraid I was still living there in the dark of my first year after D Day. FYI? I don’t live there anymore,…

I did have cancer though, I had a cancer in my heart. Can the human heart get cancer? I don’t know…I do know a bunch of you are going to google it after you get done reading this. My husband’s affair was a cancer in my heart, it slowly ate away at our love until one day it was almost gone. If you have ever seen a picture of a lung that has cancer? I’m sure that is what my heart looked like, black and eaten away by the affair. I was walking around telling myself all the signs I felt was just indigestion, when it was really a dying heart. I wouldn’t accept it until ‘the letter’ smacked me in the face and screamed “Your relationship is sick and dying, and unless you wake up and do something? You aren’t going to make it!!”.

There were times this last year I felt like I was dying. I wrote about dying of a broken heart, and you can. I also believe an affair is a cancer in a marriage. It starts as a little spot, just some flirting…and it grows until it’s a full-blown affair and it has taken over your marriage. I think sometimes the affair fog is so thick, the people having the affair don’t realize the cancer has spread so far. They can’t see the tumors forming, or the twisted person they have become. They tell themselves it’s just a cough, an ache and it will go away. If they don’t talk about it, they can pretend it isn’t affecting their life, their family. It eats away at their marriage until there isn’t a healthy cell left. Until they can admit “Hey I’m a lying cheating piece of shit, and I need help” there isn’t a cure.

And the cure? Good Lord don’t get me started on how much it’s gonna hurt. Like cancer, the cure is awful. You have to kill your marriage, make it weak and more fragile to get better. You have to accept that sometimes the ‘cure’ might kill your marriage. Facing the cancer and trying to fight it, will be the hardest thing you have ever done. Some marriages don’t survive, and the ones that do will never be the same.

My husband’s affair didn’t give me heart cancer, but Lord it did break my heart.

“Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you’re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we’re gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we’ll always go on”

-Celine Dion-

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2 Responses to My Heart Will Go On

  1. brokenjoan says:

    After 21 months, I think the biggest question I am dealing with right now, “Do I want to stay in a marriage that will never be the same”? And sorry, well not really, I don’t buy the shit, that his affair is the best thing that ever happened to my marriage!!! So, with that being said, ” I seem to have two choices, stay & be unhappy or leave & be unhappy”! I’m not sure that makes any sense, oh well I have little left anyway! Insanity my new normal!!!đź’”

  2. Katie says:

    “I also believe an affair is a cancer in a marriage. It starts as a little spot, just some flirting…and it grows until it’s a full-blown affair and it has taken over your marriage. I think sometimes the affair fog is so thick, the people having the affair don’t realize the cancer has spread so far. They can’t see the tumors forming, or the twisted person they have become. They tell themselves it’s just a cough, an ache and it will go away. If they don’t talk about it, they can pretend it isn’t affecting their life, their family. It eats away at their marriage until there isn’t a healthy cell left. Until they can admit ‘Hey I’m a lying cheating piece of shit, and I need help’ there isn’t a cure.”

    This. Right there. You nailed it. Thank you. xoxo

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