You’ve Got a Friend in Me

I made a new friend this week.

For those who don’t know me, there was a time it would have been a big deal. I was a not a ‘friendly’ person, and I didn’t really like people, at least adults much. My husband’s affair has changed me, made me want to help people and be kind…there is way too much hate and evil in the world.

I’ve seen a form of true evil up close, I’ve seen what it can do, and I believe everyday we all have to fight against it. When you stop fighting? When you stop trying every single day to be a good person? When you just give up and say “Screw it..I don’t care!!”? That’s when darkness rolls in, whores whisper in your ear, and you become a dark version of the person you once were.

So I’m here, striving everyday to be a better person, even when it’s hard. God never promised us an easy life, he never told us bad things wouldn’t happen, he just promised us he would be with us. He does his part, and I do mine.

I keep trying to do right, even when wrong feels so much better. I keep with my morals and values when those around me fail. I keep on, keeping on, even when I don’t want to. I am a better person, not happier, not more sane, not the same easy-going devil-may-care person I was, but I am a better person.

When my world came crashing down, I wanted to talk to someone who understood. I wanted for someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy, I was going to live, and someday in the far, far future I would laugh again. I wanted a friend. I had friends, good friends, who would listen till I was blue in the face, and would then listen some more. I have awesome ‘real world’ friends, but most didn’t understand.

No matter how bad you feel for me, no matter how many tears you’ve shed for me, you don’t understand, unless you’ve been cheated on too. I found friends through my blog who understood, because they are feeling it too. The crazy, the voices, the triggers, the hurt, the anger? They get it because they struggle with it too.

So I made a new friend this week in the blogger world, I came across her blog and read the title “The How Not To Hate My Husband Project”, and I was hooked. I love that she has made not letting the hate win a ‘project’, only a mom could add that to her list right beside ‘pick up milk’, ‘Joe’s book report due’, ‘pay electric bill’, and oh yeah ‘figure out how not to hate my husband’…

She talks to God, she is really angry, she is funny, she is honest, all while changing diapers and not killing her husband or her ex best friend who was the whore who slept with her husband…for TWO YEARS.

Shout out to my bestest friend in the whole world, Thank You for not ever cheating with my husband, and then going on play dates with me. I would have went totally over to the dark side and fed you both to my pigs.

I read her words and I drift back to how I was a year ago, I’m so glad I’m not there anymore. She is though, and so are so many of my ‘blog’ friends. In a perfect world we could all go out for drinks, and ‘therapy’ weekly, instead we come on here to help each other heal.

So what is this post about? It’s my Thank You post to my new friends, the ones who understand and come back every post to let me know I’m not alone. I hate being a part of this club, our ‘betrayed spouses club’ but I am so thankful for the kick ass, never surrender, crazy, wonderful friends I’ve made.

I made a new friend this week, go check her out.

“You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you’re miles and miles from your nice warm bed
You just remember what your old pal said
Boy you’ve got a friend in me
Yeah you’ve got a friend in me

You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You got troubles and I got ’em too
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you
We stick together, we can see it through
‘Cause you’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me”
-Randy Newman-

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to You’ve Got a Friend in Me

  1. 22bus says:

    I enjoy your writings. I would like to invite you to blog with us at http://seoweb2020.com/viral-blog/

  2. pabloswife says:

    Who you callin’ crazy? 😉

    • Nephila says:

      Exactly PB: they ain’t seen nothing yet.

      I like her blog too. I am not religious anymore but that awful date night rang true. How do you date someone you are broken by? I can’t imagine that domestic violence victims get their eye blackened then go out and laugh and dance with the partner, and this is like that just not physical and on a different time scale. After 2 years of remorse I can enjoy a night out with him if I’m lucky. Of course I could be unlucky. It sucks that’s what lucky has come to.

  3. You are too kind! I feel I have strayed a bit on the project but have been making my way back. Thank you for the kind words and making the world less evil.

  4. brokenjoan says:

    No you are not alone,Kelly! You have all your blog friends limping along with you on bad days & not so bad days! On those days we could be, crying, cussing, yelling, or we could be smiling, even laughing sometimes, but we are always here for each other in whatever little thing we can do to try & ease the pain of someone going through the same shit we are going through! It is what it is! XO

  5. Lea says:

    Dear Kelly- I have been reading your blog for a week now. I have no idea how I even came across it but I’m so glad I did. I’m 8 months out. I’m angry- violent at times towards my husband. I have thought of sucide, I’m hurt, I obsess over all the shitty things I want to happen to the whore my husband brought into our life. I feel like I’ve fucked up a lot as a mom since finding out but no matter what it is I’ll come here and I’ll find a ” soul sister”- someone who says me too and I can remind myself I’m not alone. I’m not insane and God will carry through this muck as long as I’m gentle to myself and pushing through every moment. Thank you for you and your blog.

    • First year is the hardest 😦 it’s the year of just surviving, trying to get through the day, and to remember to breathe… It will get easier, and you will find your happy again.

      I started this blog a year out from D-Day, and as you’ve read I have been through it all. The depression, the anger, dark thoughts and just wanting it to end…fight my sweet friend, fight to come out of the dark. It can get “better”, you will have happy times again.

      As for wanting bad things to happen to “your whore”…I don’t know if that ever really goes completely away 🙂 Mine is still fat and a miserable, pathetic person, and I can’t say I don’t get satisfaction out of it. Does that make me bad? Unkind? Maybe…I think I can live with those feelings though 😉

      Hugs..you are not ever alone

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s