Got some important parenting advice for everyone…Don’t have an affair.
I know you are all blown away, and thinking to yourself “Wow Kelly!! Thanks for sharing”. As always you all are welcome for my amazing advice. The end…
Just kidding, we all know I am long-winded and will beat an issue to death till it’s limp and ugly like an old used up fat cancan whore. Sorry, Angry Kelly gave that description and screamed in my head: bitch, whore, liar, manipulative skank, bloody noober, father fucker, asshole licker, piece of shit, rot in hell you piece of white trash been around fat thighed ugly ass WHORE. I left that part out because we all know I try to keep this blog civil…
Where was I? Oh yeah parenting advice 🙂 Here’s your first tip, don’t let your kids read this post, they will get a potty mouth like my four-year old, and she is breaking the bank this month on all the soap I’m having to buy. Seriously though, don’t have an affair. If you want to be a good parent and teach your kids about morals and values then don’t have an affair. Get a divorce, ask for a separation, or even better? Work on your flipping marriage and tell yourself “I am going to save my family, give my kids a two parent home, and be a mature selfless person”. I know more crazy talk from Kelly, but hey I never claimed to be sane. After you have tried, and I mean tried hard, pulled out all the stops aka; therapy, marriage counseling, talking, dating, deciding to love each other, going on retreats, looking to GOD, turning to friends and family for help. After all that work is done and you still aren’t happy, then by all means get a divorce.
In the meantime though? Don’t have an affair. Affairs are for childless people, not parents. How can any parent look at their child and think “Hey an affair isn’t going to screw you up, give you issues, or hurt you at all. You’ll be just fine, while I screw around on your mom/dad.” Guess what if there is a dumbass alive who has EVER actually had any of those insane thoughts, I got news for them…You are wrong!!
I get it, I do. Your whore is telling you everything you want to hear, she’s cute (or used up and skanky like my husbands), she’s so stinking nice to you, she doesn’t have any demands, and who’s gonna know? Right? Chances are your dirty, fat, stupid, disgusting…Gosh Darn it Angry Kelly, get off the computer I have a point to make here…secret is going to come out. Maybe your kids will find out, maybe they won’t. My bet is they will. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not till they are grown, but they will one day know. Then? Then you have to face them and answer questions. Guess what? There is not a ‘good’ answer when it comes to “Hey Dad/Mom why did you screw around with a whore?”
I have said it before, and Lord knows I’m going to say it again. Those kids of yours, they never asked to be born. You made that decision, and when you did your life stopped being your own. At least if you are a ‘good’ parent it did. It means you don’t ever again after they are born, get to make a decision based on your wants or needs…They come first, always. I am glad on my deathbed I will never look back and say “I wish I’d loved my kids more, I wish I hadn’t hurt them, I wish I’d never given them a reason to question my morals, I wish I had been a better parent.”
Am I a perfect parent? No, but I always put those little shits first, even when it’s not convenient and not necessarily what I want to do. I will never have to sit down and have a discussion with my children on why I slept with someone other than their other parent. My husband has had to, it sucked. Someday he will have to with my sweet potty mouthed Lou, and on that day his heart and hers will break. Someday the whore’s daughters are going to find out about their ‘mothers’ affair, word spreads fast in a small town and the more disgusting the gossip the faster it will spread. Someone will tell them the story about “The CanCan Whore of Valdez” and they will question her. If she wasn’t such an evil bitch I’d almost feel sorry for her. She will probably lie…she’s really good at that…but in the back of their minds they will always know what they heard.
Just some parenting advice from a sanely insane mother of four.
“Last night I dreamed I died and stood outside those pearly gates.
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.
If they know half the things I’ve done, they’ll never let me in.
And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again.
And he said, “Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.”
He said, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.
It’s a love without end, amen, it’s a love without end, amen.”