Pappa Loved Momma

I’m thinking of giving my husband a ‘triggers’ list for Father’s Day.

What do you get the father who had an affair? Who broke your wedding vows and your heart? Who was an unappreciative asshole on his last Father’s Day before D-day. We bought him a little something but his ‘main’ gift? My oldest son and I sanded down, stained, and put new furniture on our wrap around porch so my husband had a ‘retreat’ while he was home. He wasn’t really thankful for the week-long sweaty labor intensive present, but Lord did he use it. He would sit out there in the evenings having a drink, cigar, and texting his whore. It’s a good thing I’m past my really angry phase cuz that part of me, she’d like to stuff his mouth with a cigar while he’s duct tapped down to the porch and lite it on fire…the cigar, not the porch. I don’t want to kill him, I just want to watch smoke come out his ears. I’m not angry like that anymore, really I’m not.

So instead of lighting him on fire, I want to give him a nice card and inside will be a four page single spaced list of my triggers. It would be a helpful present, not as helpful as a place to set and enjoy the breeze while texting your whore, but it’s as helpful as I can be this year.

Instead of always wondering “Shit what did I say”, or “Why is she looking so sad”, instead he will know “Hey it’s a trigger, I need to shut up, drive faster, switch the song, or just apologize.” It could be his handy ‘cheat’ sheet, and when in doubt he could pull it out. I’m sure in a couple of months it would be tattered and torn, stained with blood and tears, but it would be the most useful Father’s Day gift he ever received.

My Triggers

Patron, fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, truffles, chicken and dumplings, sushi, tuna, chinese food,spicy sausage, steak, Guy Fiere, pecan pie, donuts, oysters, wine, seafood boils,banana chips, peanut butter cheerios,popcorn, christmas candy, milk, breakfast sandwiches, fish tacos, whip cream, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, Lou’s Birthday, Valdez Gold Rush Days, Halloween, My Birthday, His Birthday, graduations, weddings, My anniversary, scotch, cigars, my porch, cows, pigs, puppies,cow shows, pig shows, my pig barn, his phone, my phone, his computer, iPods, running, pink, glittery shit, GM Arcadias, the whore’s god given name, fat old ladies, washing machines, Brad Paisley, Johnny Cash, June Cash, sunsets, boats, fishing, homecoming games, proms, my daughter’s first steps, swimming in the ocean, princess, the phrases ‘butt dance’ and ‘my tummy hurts’ (said by a thirty year old woman mind you), baseball games, babysitting, Eureka Springs, Hard Rock Hotel, his Alaska ‘friends’, loud dumbass red-headed men, my mixer, humidors, dark eyeliner, fat asses, fat thighs, mobile homes, trailer trash, Oklahoma, funerals, psychics, smores, fire pits, movies, bunco, drunks, snow, his work, fad diets, stupid people, Cat In The Hat, Finding Nemo, texts, emails, Can Can outfits,tutus, money clips, princess clothes, bad tattoos, the beach, my son’s dorm room, dad’s birthday, his grandpa, my grandma, Lou, my oldest son, my youngest son, my future daughter in law, The DMV, Alaska, broken bones, airports, OSU, University of Texas, gas stations, court, vacations, Branson, road trips, pictures of my kids, nail polish, nail salons,doctor offices,hospitals, tread mills, diets, tanning salons, my mailbox, my middle son’s drivers license, whiny women, the sound of the ocean,flowers, cards, the sound of a squeaky voice, bars, boxer shorts, bad hair dye jobs, red lipstick, selfies, short skirts, heels, disney princesses,my wedding, cooking shows, pink BB guns, my porch, his apartment, his clothes, his suitcase, his coat, his smile, his laugh, his words, his promises, HIM…

Those are just off the top of my head, no hard thinking involved.

And people wonder why Crazy Kelly has issues.

“Mama was a looker
Lord, how she shined
Papa was a good’n
But the jealous kind
Papa loved Mama
Mama loved men
Mama’s in the graveyard
Papa’s in the pen”

-Garth Brooks-

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19 Responses to Pappa Loved Momma

  1. pabloswife says:

    Kelly, I think it might just be easier to give him a list of things that aren’t triggers! 😜

    Yesterday morning we laid in bed for like 10 minutes and then he was up getting ready for work. There were 35 minutes between waking and him leaving and I had 4 triggers. I actually made a list of them but have yet to give it to him. Like you, I’m sure it could only help, but if not it would let him know just how my brain works these days and how his affair is never really far from my mind 😒

    • If they knew the minute to minute triggers and thoughts we had they’d either commit us or run πŸ™‚ I thought about telling him one day every thought I had but then thought “How would he ever sleep again?”

  2. radkamamalu says:

    You are the smile on my face and the roll in my eyes. Haha. I love this.

  3. Let go says:

    Kelly if he was in Valdez then everyone in town had to know. There aren’t but about 4,000 people there. Did they set up house together? Two years? How does he explain that to your kids?

    • Well you need to read the whole blog if you want the long answer…it was on again off again for two years. She was with at least 4 other men during this period that I know of. They didn’t live together she lived with her ex-husband/husband and mom during this time. Not everyone knew till the end, he knew her reputation and didnt want to be seen in public with her. I talk about him telling our kids in as much detail on her as I will, that’s their story not mine

  4. horsesrcumin says:

    Brilliant! Love this, Kelly. Over five years out. Feels like we may have the same list. Or maybe you can summarise. “Every-fucking-thing. Happy Father’s Day darling xxx.”

  5. brokenjoan says:

    There’s the crazy Kelly I know & love, has she been hiding or just struggling to get out? I had a bad day today, but I smiled when I read your post! Hope it’s okay I smiled, I’m not making light of your situation at all. It just helps checking in with my blog friends! SANE OR INSANE, LOVE YOU EITHER WAY! XO JoanπŸ’”

    • Joan you can smile, you can laugh, you can react however you want. Crazy Kelly makes me laugh sometimes too, I just have to keep her and her ‘plans’ under control otherwise her and Angry Kelly would have my ass thrown in jail.

      Hugs to you my sweet friend on your bad day…

  6. Oh this made my day. Seriously I did laugh out loud. You should do your trigger list like on one of those canvas things where all the words are put in a shape. Or just scattered about to look like art. I am so thankful my husband has the kids for Father’s Day the past two father’s days I have made him feel special and loved. I don’t have any pressure to do a damn thing for him tomorrow and feel fine about it. Maybe I might get him a card that said unfortunately I regret having kids with you, but have a Happy Father’s Day jerk.

  7. Pingback: Triggers, Attention, Pedicures: My Affair Recovery? Not going so well.. | How To Not Hate My Husband

  8. Terese says:

    Thank you! I have been reading blogs for a year today!! Father’s Day will never be the same. And today I came across yours for the first time. The triggers are nonstop, everything, everywhere! I have never commented in all this time but I had to comment today. Your post made me smile BIG actually made me laugh! Nothing funny a year ago ( not funny now either) and hard to find enjoyment in much lately but reading this today and being able to find the humor in it made my day. After all this pain, you’ve given me hope that at some poinit there may be some normalcy. Hoping I can find more escape in your blog, I have not told anyone close in all this time and sometimes it is just unbearable, but being able to read that I’m not alone is a life saver. Thank you again.

    • I’m glad you found the humor and laughter, it’s supposed to be there. Sometimes people apologize for laughing, but it’s okay, this is my screwed up, crazy, story of my life now and I laugh at it too.

      Thank you for reading, I would suggest starting at Stacey’s Mom and reading from the start.

  9. LOVE this. I told my best friend recently that I wanted to write a letter called “a day in the life of a betrayed spouse”. Because he only sees the times I stumble. The times I can’t control my mouth or the trigger was too big or it was the 100th one of the day and therefore deserved “special” attention. You know, balloons and confetti!! Just kidding. He doesn’t see all the mini-triggers I bat away during a day’s time. I thought of plotting it out, with headings of “trigger”, “internal dialogue in response to trigger” and “corrective action to pull out of nose dive caused by trigger”. Maybe then he would get it. There has been a popular commercial lately that totally shoves me off the deep end. Keep writing my friend, you are a blessing to so many!

  10. Pingback: Some Of My Triggers… | I Never Said I Loved Her

  11. youwillneverbeme says:

    Thankyou, thankyou thankyou!!! I stumbled across your blog tonight, I am coming close to the first d-day and a lot of feelings are coming back ( what I would do to have that ‘time machine ‘to be the naive , see the good in everyone me again) iv been feeling like iv lost everything today and your blog made me laugh and made me cry , I found myself listening to the songs u posted and they helped a lot.
    You have made me realise that I’m not a weirdo and that I’m not completely crazy and that it does hurt as much as it feels it does. if u know wat I mean :/

    Thankyou again and well done on the blog, keep smiling . A xx

    • The first d-day anniversary is what pushed me over the edge and into the world of blogging. It’s a hard horrible trigger, and I will say once you get past it things get easier…notice please I didn’t say easy.

      People like you, who were once me are why I write. The feeling alone and like no one understands sucks. I’m so happy I could be of help.

      If you came in at the middle go back to the start, Stacy’s Mom was wrote 7 days after my first D-day.

      You aren’t crazy, just probably sanely insane πŸ™‚ and on here we like the weirdos.

      Hugs my sweet friend you can do this, you can survive this.

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