I Love It

I got mad at my husband today…

It was another giant step in my recovery/healing because I got mad about a normal thing. I got mad because he had dumped some smoker residue (burnt wood, ashes, act) into my yard. I was mowing and I came upon it and was like,

“Seriously!! I spent the last week cleaning up the yard and you dump it here? Not in the field but here?? UGHHH!!” and as I was shaking my head and fuming at him being a man, and an idiot, it hit me. I’m normal mad. Healthy mad. Just mad.

Last summer it would have went from him dumping coals to a u-turn back to the affair.

“Why should he respect my yard when he can’t even respect me? This just shows how little he cares!! I knew he wasn’t going to change!!” And I would have went from a one to a ten on the mad scale in about 1.5 seconds.

Healthy mad was a milestone, it felt good. Now don’t get me wrong I’m still not ‘normal’. Instead of the ‘Old pre-affair Kelly’ who would have got a rake and a shovel and scooped it up and thrown it over the fence, ‘New Kelly’ ran that shit over. Not once but several times and imagined it was a roasted whore, and it felt good.

Poof she was gone in a puff of smoke and ashes…sometimes being crazy isn’t bad.

Sometimes I even like it.

“I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone.
I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.
I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.
I crashed my car into the bridge.

I don’t care, I love it.
I don’t care.”

-Icona Pop-

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19 Responses to I Love It

  1. pabloswife says:

    Isn’t it nice to feel a little “normal” sometimes?? So glad you’re doing so well 🙂

  2. brokenjoan says:

    Personally, I love crazy Kelly! What does that say about me? Who knows! 😛

  3. worknprogress says:

    I want to say I’m sorry u had to go thru this. I want to thank u for making me feel like I am not alone. I think you would b a hoot in person. My husband had an affair with the whore next door. She pretended to b my friend, and maybe she was for a little while. Our kids used to play together. We used to have alot of fun. Then it got to b she was up my ass all the time. I couldn’t even get home from work and she’d have her fat bitch ass there. I got sick if not having my space and not having my family. Little did I know that the whore next door would come over and fuck my husband when I was working, leaving her kids at home by themselves and while I had to send my kids to summer camp. I knew something was wrong. Thought he was messing around but didn’t think it was with her. Not at first. He treated me like shit then and he really was not good to our kids. He broke the vow but she chased after him like the bitch dog in heat that she is. Its his fault he could have said no, but she should have blame too. Not fair that a piece of trash like that can come in your house while u r out working for ur family, fuck ur husband and then u would go to jail for kicking her ass. BTW her mom is a whore too. She called my husband after he told the bitch he wanted me
    She was trying to get him to leave me for her no class daughter. Fucking cowards the both of them. Sorry for all the cursing, but I do feel better. My husband does love me and I love him. I just have to get used to the fact that it’s different now. I’m not sure how to love him less, its not who I am, but I am guarded now. I want to b happy and count my blessings instead of my problems. U know if someone would have told me this would have happened, I would not believe it. Nor would I think that I would stick around. Funny how things change when it happens to you. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, except maybe for her. Damn it all. I’m gonna get better
    I’m gonna get better, I’m gonna get my happy back. I deserve it and do my kids
    I’m a work in progress. Thank u for your heartfelt posts, for making me feel like I am not crazy (well I am a good crazy normally). No one really gets it unless u have gone thru it. Someday I’m gonna really b okay and mean it. Thank u for listening

    • Does she live in Alaska? Cuz she sounds familiar lol.. Thank you, I’m sorry I had to go through it too, but I’m still here and so are you. You can curse all you want, we don’t judge on here. I think you are going to be okay, just keep repeating what you have been “I’m gonna get better , I’m gonna get my happy back” and one day you might actually wake up and realize you are okay, and HOLY SHIT HAPPY…it kind of sneaks up on you, and it takes a lot of time and work but you will get there.

      Come by anytime cuz like I always say “Crazy loves Crazy” and I’m always here to listen.

    • and just an FYI I am a hoot in person 😉

  4. I know exactly what you mean. Normal is good and ever so welcome! But sometimes, it’s ok to embrace the crazy!

  5. eg0ground0 says:

    I think even more than “normal” which is a debatable term, it sounds like you found the ground under your feet. Something that was familiar and steady; and that is priceless. Thank you for sharing that. It’s always nice to see that there is solid ground ahead.

    • Lol are you saying I’m not normal? True most ‘normal’ people don’t name and talk to the voices in their head. Plus a thousand other things which make me ‘abnormal’, I am finding familiar ground. I am finding a new me.

      • eg0ground0 says:

        I think normal is over rated. 🙂 I sure as heck am not normal. I felt what you were describing was so much better than normal. In the end, you can likely give it a dozen labels and all maybe all of them would be right. What matters is it felt good; and for that, I am very happy for you.

  6. Roasted Whore 🙂 Love it! I’m in the trenches now and I love reading about how you are gaining strength and normalcy!! Here’s to the happy and running them dam whores over!! 🙂

  7. Pingback: Surviving Infidelity: Date #3 and another evil T word “Truth” | How To Not Hate My Husband

  8. Awww man I didn’t know my first reply went through.. my laptop has been wonky lately..

    • Some how my post yesterday got deleted and I had to repost so maybe it’s something in the air. That being said you can post about my awesomeness twice anytime lol at least it was a nice post and not a mean one getting repeated.

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