I had a thought/voice in my head the other night.
I got up and stumbled to the bathroom, and as I was shutting the door, my husband yelled to me…
Old days he wouldn’t have noticed me up and moving, but these days I can’t roll over or sigh in my sleep without him noticing.
“Just going to the bathroom…” I replied.
I shook my head as I sat down, I mean Good Lord, I was just going to the bathroom. Then I kind of smiled and thought about how much he has changed. How different he is…he is not the same man he was for those two years, a blind man could see how different he is.
I felt my heart soften, and I teared up for just a minute with relief.
“No one could fake being like he has been towards me the last 20 months. The remorse he shows, the way he constantly follows me with his eyes when we are in a crowd, the calls and texts when he is away, the way he holds my hand, holds me at night, kisses me with tears in his eyes. No one could fake it for that long, maybe a week or two, but 20 months means this is who he is now. He isn’t the same man who hurt me.”
Those were the thoughts that flew through my head, and as I opened the bathroom door, I heard the voice in my head which drowned out the others.
“He lied to you for 2 years, do you really think he couldn’t do it for 20 months? He’d still be lying if you hadn’t found out…You, Kelly are a fool.”
The voice echoed in my head as I crawled back into bed.
“Maybe if I act like that
Flippin’ my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that
I don’t want to be a stupid girl”