Stand By Me

A friend says she can see the progress I’ve made.

She informed me she can read it in my blog, see it in my weight gain, how I look, and how I talk. She asked if I ever go back and read my early writings on here…Umm, yeah I do, I’m one of my favorite writers, Stephen King ain’t got nothing on me. Seriously though I do go back, I go back and sometimes I cry with her (again), and sometimes I cheer for her (“You can do it!!!” insert Water Boy voice here). I laugh at her digs, and just because she’s funny. I can see the progress too, and how blogging helped.

I wish I could tell you how I got to this new point in my life, I wish there was a magic word, or button. Better yet I wish there was a magic fairy who flew out of my ass and waved her wand, making it all better (don’t judge my love of a magic fairy, the thought of her and George Clooney have kept me going on many a dark night).

I guess unfortunately the answer is I got here because I have friends and family who refused to leave me broken there in the dark. The love of my sister pushed my skinny ass up this mountain, the remorse of my husband who worked every single day to glue my heart back together, the notes and messages from everyone saying they had found hope in my words, and most of all it was my “kids”.

I have been given through the grace of God, a group of kids who surround me every day. Some are from my body, and some are of my heart but they are all my kids. They refused to watch me fade away, refused to believe I was gone, refused to let me die, and for that I will never ever be able to thank them enough. They gave Lou back her mom, and gave her a chance to maybe someday have the same mom they had. They have filled my house with laughter again, and made me remember the person I was.

If I was tooting my own horn (toot toot) I got here because I kept believing. I kept believing in God, in my marriage, in my family, in my own DAMN SELF and even when the voices got loud and the darkness covered me, I KEPT BELIEVING. When I couldn’t walk, I crawled, and when I was too tired to move, I grabbed the hands reaching down to help and held on. I found an inner strength I never knew I had, and I got tough.

I might have got a little crazy too…but I kind of like that crazy new me.

So I guess maybe you need to get tough too. Maybe you need to get strong. And I know you need to keep believing. Whatever you are going through just believe.

There is an end to the pain (I’m not there yet)

There is a light in the darkness no matter how faint.

There will be love again.

There is always, no matter what, hope.

“When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we’ll see
No I won’t be afraid
Oh, I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me
Stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
All the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won’t cry, I won’t cry
No, I won’t shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me
Stand by me”
-Ben E. King-

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5 Responses to Stand By Me

  1. horsesrcumin says:

    Awesome! I don’t believe there is an end to the pain, rather a way, or many ways, to live around it, to garnish it with good shit. To acknowledge it will always hurt but that does not mean we can never feel “not-pain.” I love your positives – and your friends, kids and family! What a cool team xxx.

    • I have always said (even in my darkest moments) that I didn’t know what I had ever done in this life or a past life, to be so blessed with the people in my life today.

  2. Thank you for your positive message of hope. xo

  3. I ask my therapist yesterday “when does this end?”. He didn’t know. How could he, he has never been in this position. Thanks for answering the questions for him. I feel encouraged by your words. Working on getting tough…….

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