Wake Me Up When September Ends

I’ve started a morning “therapy” of sorts…

No, I’m not talking to a real doctor, prescribing me drugs, asking me about my feelings shrink, but a friend. The healing has stopped. The laughter and light is getting dim. Summer is coming to an end…

I used to love fall; the weather, the colors, the holidays, school starting, football season, and sweaters being pulled out of the closet. Now I find myself feeling anxious,and it’s leading to Crazy Kelly bubbling up to the surface.

Crazy Kelly is waiting for the other shoe to drop, she doesn’t believe this is all over. She sees signs in every path I try to take. She hesitates before she opens the mailbox, she flinches when the phone rings with an unknown number, and she watches my husbands email accounts waiting for any suspicious activity. She is exhausting and makes me want to cry, because I just want to move on.

The fall is so full of shitty triggers, I’m so glad I have a friend who takes my morning texts, climbs in the crazy train with me (she likes the window seat) and talks me into getting off. I know this fall is going to be long, and winter will be even longer. The house is going to be quiet as all the kids leave for school and the voices will start getting louder. No echoing laughter and sweet giggles to drown them out.

Why can’t summer last and school be out forever?

“Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father’s come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Bring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father’s come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends”

-Green Day-

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14 Responses to Wake Me Up When September Ends

  1. pabloswife says:

    I hear ya Kelly!!! This has all seemed much easier to deal with with the kids being home from school all summer!! I’m already dreading them heading back to school because the house will once again be quiet and I’ll once again be able to hear the doubting voices in my head. I can hear them getting louder already 😦

    Pleased you have a friend to keep you company 🙂

    • Nephila says:

      This is so true, and Kelly, great post! I almost felt human again when we were on holiday in July. Then school went back…ugh and the triggers at this time of year (when the affair started and when she turned up after it ended) are nearly as bad as in February (d day). My daughter’s birthday too, spoiled by remembering who he was texting about her name from the freaking hospital! OMG.

      And while I am here PW, don’t be fooled. A certain cheat has never met my husband! Freaks and cheats, uggh.

      • pabloswife says:

        I know… what was all that about??? Made himself look like a right idiot LOL!!

      • pabloswife says:

        Oh and Nephila, I did call him out on his lies but he seems to have decided not to post that particular comment! Why are cheaters so keen to delete any comments that aren’t what they want to hear?? I am happy to post each and every comment I get… probably because I have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about!!

      • Nephila says:

        Yuppity yup PW! 🙂

  2. Summer is almost done here. My second boy goes away to college for the first time (sniffle).

    I got married in the fall, too — and it’s an anniversary that will be difficult for us this year.

    Hugs to you, my kick ass chicks in my life xxoo

  3. brokenjoan says:

    I relate to all of you, I have been dreading Sept. also, it will be 2 years since D-day & I feel somewhat ashamed to say that not too much has changed! I may as well face the fact that it probably never will! Hugs to all of you, Joan

  4. horsesrcumin says:

    Well. Those window seats will be chocka! Spring here. Lambs, calves, daffodils. He still cheated.

    It just recycles forever, Kelly. But the low periods, the ones when the crazy train goes crazy slow, get slightly better, pass slightly faster, the noise of the clackety-clack is slightly reduced.

    This was the first song I heard my son’s middle school band (he’s a guitarist) perform to an audience. And he just signed up yesterday for student loans and applied to uni, made preliminary course selections. Going to the same uni I did thirty years ago at the far end of the country. I will also sniff a little (but have longer til he departs. ) He is also number two, tempted.

  5. Scootch over dear, I will ride the train with you awhile. Let’s have a couple of drinks then we will flip people off out the window and scream obscenities. Who knows, could be therapeutic!

  6. Jamie says:

    Thank you once again for helping to remind me that I am not alone. I have been trying so hard to push crazy Jamie aside and just enjoy my time with my family. Fall is full of triggers for me too. My anniversary and the reminder of all the broken promises. It will be 1 year since my D day. I am reminded that he brought us three thousand miles from home to this nightmare. I am sad and more alone than I thought ever possible. I keep my head up determined not to let the whore ruin my family and hurt my girls more than she already has. I too will be riding the crazy train. Thankful to you all for reminding me that I am not so alone in this nightmare.

  7. brokenjoan says:

    Jamie, always remember that, you are not alone, from Kelly to the rest of us who are going through what you are, you couldn’t have a better bunch of kick-ass women on your side! Hugs from Joan

  8. Leanne says:

    I feel exactly the same way

  9. Jamie says:

    Thank you all! I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me. I know that I am strong enough to get past this. I love my husband and family too much to let some disgusting whore tear us apart. It’s just so hard going through this feeling so alone. I don’t know anyone here. It’s hard to meet people when I fee like such a mess. Thanks again! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

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