Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)

I got an interesting email today…

“How interesting?” You ask.

Well since you asked let’s go back to the start.

I was deleting my junk mail, lord I get a ton, but that’s what happens when you’ve had the same email address for 10+ years. I get those annoying “Guess who’s looking at your info/stalking you online.” Now I look at these sometimes and they are usually believable…my old college BFF, my high school sweetheart, and my husband. Once there was a guy from Florida, and he reached out to me on Facebook, wrong Kelly we weren’t related.

Today I opened the junk mail, I don’t do it often, and guess who has searched my name? Yep… the ever elusive, smother you with those massive thighs, stop puckering your lips, and lifting your skirts…drumroll please….”Can Can Whore of Valdez”.

Please gently push your jaw up so your mouth closes…

I know “WTF Kelly??”

I can honestly answer I don’t know.

I haven’t contacted her, clicked my ruby red slippers three times mumbling under my breath “There’s no whore like her, there’s no whore like her…”

I haven’t said her name three times while wearing red lipstick and practicing my sexy face in the mirror (her selfies? They will make you laugh and laugh).

I did nothing to summon the whore yet her she is…Popped back in my life through an Internet search.

Do you think she missed me? Missed seeing her name in my blog? Missed the fame and attention it brought her?

Was she stalking my family as another year closes? Has it drove her crazy, the fact that my husband walked away and never looked back? Did she think about contacting me? Or my husband? Or God forbid my children? Was she bored and decided “For shits and giggles” lets see what Kelly is up to?

Interesting, huh?

Let me see, let me word it eloquently…Nevermind, let me put it in your trailer trash, low class, bar loving, whore terms…

“Go slither back under your rock, take your big ass, huge thighs, red lipstick, and whore hole with you. I don’t mention you much anymore because you never were much. Just a whore in a small town, full of lies and false lives. You were nothing, will never be more, and whore you ain’t ever getting back in my life. So run quickly, slither along before I get mad…trust me you don’t want none of that!!”

Kelly stops, notices a little whore on her shoe, crinkles her nose at the smell, wipes it off on the grass, and calmly sets off walking down her road to happiness.

“Bitch please!!” Crazy Kelly rolls her eyes.


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9 Responses to Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)

  1. steph208 says:

    In case I havent mentioned it before….I love Crazy Kelly!

  2. brokenjoan says:


  3. Of course she’s wondering about you — you’re moving on and she’s stuck with the realization that she’s a terrible person who did an unforgivable thing. Let her wonder about you the rest of her life!

  4. pabloswife says:

    “Just a whore in a small town full of lies and false lives…” sums my whore up perfectly!! Happy New Year to all the Kelly’s 😘

    • Happy New Years to you my sweet friend 🙂 And yes I do believe all our whores are tied together, if only we could literally tie them all together and throw them into a shit pond…ahh to watch them try to tread water in a pond of turds 😉

  5. I feel your pain my new friend my whore is still in my life. She continues to text my husband and call him with unlisted numbers. She lives and works a few minutes from my home and I sware I dream of pulling up beside her on the street taking my big fucking pocket book and slamming it on her windshield 5 times till it breaks then! Pulling her out by her hair and leaving her on the floor .. The anger is just insane I’m sending you love today and lots of strength fuck that can can whore!!!

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