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Today it has been three years since my life imploded? Exploded? Got blown to hell?

I am still here.

and if that was all I wrote, I feel like it would be enough.

Enough for all my readers who are betrayed spouses themselves.

Just those four words ‘I AM STILL HERE…’

Start up the band, pop the champagne, and can I get a “Whoop, Whoop?!”

I am still here, my friends.

I thought of a dozen different posts, some sad, some a tad angry, and a lot just rambling, because figuring out what I feel today is hard.

Today is hard.

But I think what I have figured out about all this is….drum roll please?

It’s not about what was, it was really awful. Some days I didn’t want to survive it, awful.

Today isn’t about the awful that was.

It is about the person, the people who came out of it. The people who stand here three years later, together, forming a family.

My family.

I am…proud?

Do I wish we had never been tested? Yes, a definite YES.

But we were.

and we passed.

Here we still stand, together.

We have been gossiped about, taken to court, forced to face our demons, and been a favorite target of pathetic people on social media.

and yet here we stand.

I am proud of my family.

of my kids.

Three years later, they are not only surviving but thriving.

My marriage?

Well…. we probably talk more than normal couples, and another thing we have learned?

How to listen. How to hear what the other is saying, when we ourselves can’t find the words. Maybe because we almost lost it all.

Which leads me to share a story I read on Facebook today. I normally don’t stop to read them but I did because, well I was meant to….

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

I am proud to say my family made coffee…

Strong.

Slightly dark.

Sometimes sweet.

Coffee.

and?

We are still here.

‘Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph
We make these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen, still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me close until our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
Wait for me to come home

Loving can heal
Loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know (know)
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
And it’s the only thing we take with us when we die

We keep this love in this photograph
We make these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
And time’s forever frozen, still

So you can keep me
inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me close until our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That’s okay baby, there ‘ll be worse things
Inside these pages you just hold me
I won’t ever let you go

Wait for me to come home (x4)

Oh, you can keep me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me
Oh, that’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go

When I’m away,
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone
Wait for me to come home”

-Ed Sheeran-

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16 Responses to Photo

  1. lynneva29 says:

    Thank you!😊 Feeling the same way after 2 years and 6 months. My family is still together after being hit with infidelity…we weathered the storm and continue forward.❤️

  2. lynneva29 says:

    Thank you😊Feeling the same after 2 years 6 months. My family is still together❤️

  3. ♥️🙏. Love this. I will probably need to read it a few times over the next few years to inspire me. I’m glad you’re enjoying your coffee!

  4. Love this! Staring at the first anniversary of my discovery and dreading the date but so proud of where we are today!

  5. savingshards says:

    Thank you for the encouragement. And I love coffee…xo

  6. hopingtoheal says:

    I LOVE THIS!!!! Thank you so much for sharing.

  7. annasnow says:

    Kelly….you’re beautiful and I wish you all the luck in the world putting your family back together. I’ve read most of you blog….felt your pain and relived mine. We take baby steps and work our way back home……..A comment on your 2-27-14 post caught my eye. Any chance Raquel lives in Alaska and wears a garter?….Also…Saw the Gold Rush Parade in Valdez Cancan Dancers on You Tube, circa 2013….Don’t want to know which one is your whore because one is just as bad as the next. For your husband I feel total embarrassment and pray he was never seen in public with her……And I thought my skanky whore was nasty!!!!!!! Your husband has to have nightmares about trading down from Beauty to the Beast. Blessings.

    • I don’t get the Raquel reference? But it’s been a long day lol…yes she was a can can girl and probably is the loudest, crudest one there…and no he sure didn’t parade her around in public nor did he ever admit to seeing her to any of his higher class friends…I don’t lie on here remember so when I said she was nasty? I was not exaggerating…Thank you for reading, my hope is we all take baby steps together until we finally find ourselves on a path to healing…

      • annasnow says:

        Sorry for confusion…..Person writing comment was” Raquel” And the way it was written it sounded like she was putting all the blame on your husband and no blame on the whore. Seemed to be written by the Cancan Whore. That happens quite often on cheating sites. The whore takes up for herself by commenting as someone else. Get some rest. BTW those Cancan girls have some powerful leg mass (as we say here on the Gulf Coast).

  8. Ahh Raquel…wasn’t she a fun person? Yeah she wasn’t a legitimate reader, or betrayed spouse…she was using too big of words to be the can can whore though. I can honestly say “those” people? The ones like her that want to argue, and tell me how I’m wrong? Well it’s not their story, they didn’t live it so they can’t tell me what they don’t know. And people who actually have watched me live my “story” can tell you I’m honest…and to say I’m wrong to use the word whore, or dislike the thunder thighed can can dancing selfie queen? Well she’s wrong, and for some ‘reason’ she didn’t like me much…go figure

    • annasnow says:

      I don’t know your husband’s story, but I can tell you about office WHORES. They have an agenda and they are pros. First they scope their victim ( man away from wife and family for long periods of time is a prime target) then they start the process. Standing in the office door for innocent chats, looking at the family pictures with a sweet smile, telling them they look great, love a shirt or a scent. Then they share an innocent lunch, then dinner. Then they meet for a drink, and she casually has to rest her hand on leg, and those innocent fingers have to find the inside of his leg. The entire time this mindfuck is going on she has to share the sad parts of her life…..she’s been mistreated by a husband or boyfriend. She’s been gossiped about unfairly. She’s been taken advantage off……AND BAMMMMMM….she’s in. Is he to blame for falling for the ploy?…Hell yes… Is she a WHORE?….Hell yes. There may be many reasons that you don’t want to be in a marriage, but there is not a single reason to cheat. The devastation left in the wake is a never ending storm…………..The Blog about your daughter sounds precious, but I can’t find it.

  9. Sounds like you were sitting in my husbands office?

    I don’t keep up with my daughters blog like I should but it’s called “Raising A Daughter in a House Of a Teenage Boys”

    • annasnow says:

      Nope…..my husband’s office….and they now live together. Our family was the fourth the office WHORE has destroyed. Glad you’re finding peace.

  10. docphd001 says:

    Thank you for your great writing. I only just found it. It is excellent. You got a lot further than many others. You must have a lot of love to give and are not ‘indulging” in the hatred. I admire you.
    If you have any feedback for my writings please feel free:
    marriagetroublesite.com
    Elisabeth (aka Doc)

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