I’m Moving On

Saw the whore’s car the other day…

The one I’d daydreamed about shitting on.

If we’re being honest? I once upon a time in Alaska had to use ALL my self control, as an adult and mother of four, not to jump out of my husbands car as we drove by her trailer and run…cackling wildly…drop drawer…and shit on top of her car.

“The Jewel” was what she referred to it as.

Don’t glare at me and roll your eyes, I can’t make this shit up.

I referred to it as the Whore Mobile…the if it’s rocking? Don’t bother knocking, she’s already found her next “victim” it’s too late.

I’m joking.

She sold it after she was fired from her job.

Ahh, Karma, almost as sweet as my covering her “Jewel” with my own cosmic karma pile.

Back to my story…

I was walking out of the grocery store with my youngest son and Lou, when there it sat.

Front row.

A black Acadia, just like her old car.

My eyes saw it, but my heart didn’t feel it.

Stay with me…

MY EYES SAW IT BUT NOTHING.

Not a twinge from what was once a huge trigger.

I acknowledged it with an eye roll, laughed with my son, and moved on.

I MOVED ON.

For four long years, I have dealt with crippling triggers.

Slowly they are fading.

Some I don’t notice anymore, I’ve become immune to them.

The bigger ones still sting.

This one was a visual trigger, that used to knock the air out of me. I guess my subconscious always thought a door would open and I’d see a humongous thigh come lurching out…followed by the rest of her.

Silly?

Yes, but a very real trigger.

I’m just happy I’m healing.

And even kind of glad I didn’t give into my impulse that cold day in Valdez.

She wasn’t worth one more  moment of my time then.

She certainly isn’t worth it now.

I might still have scars.

But I’m healing.

I’m moving on.

How crazy is that?

“I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I’m at peace with myself

I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I’m movin’ on
I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces

Each one is different but they’re always the same

They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it

They’ll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong

I’m movin’ on
I’m movin’ on

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone

There comes a time in everyone’s life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t

Stopped to fill up on my way out of town

I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t

I had to lose everything to find out

Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

I’m movin’ on
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on”

-Rascal Flatts-

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8 Responses to I’m Moving On

  1. T says:

    “Saw the whore’s car the other day…

    The one I’d daydreamed about shitting on.

    If we’re being honest? I once upon a time in Alaska had to use ALL my self control, as an adult and mother of four, not to jump out of my husbands car as we drove by her trailer and run…cackling wildly…drop drawer…and shit on top of her car.”…..

    ^ This seriously made me laugh out loud!!! 😀 …HA! ..To shit on top of her car…hell ya!- funny funny! ..its nice to hear your triggers are few and far in between and that you are healing! Thats whats up! 2.5 years later for me and I am only hoping to say or feel how you are … the sooner the better but at least I know there is hope. Thanks!

    • There is hope, my sweet friend, please grab hold of it and believe…things will get better. Every single day take a small step forward, even if you stumble and take YOUR life back.

      And if you can find laughter a long the way.

  2. E says:

    I just found your Blog.

    I wished I had seen it sooner. But OK, here I am and catching up.

    This is what happened to me yesterday.

    I used to, so now and then, look up the whore on the Net as I wanted to know what this person was up to. More or less keeping track.
    Many times I thought that this poor example of a female human being should have been reported as a liar, home wrecker etc., but I NEVER DID! It was tempting, but I did not do it.

    I did not do it as all the other women on WP (my friends), have warned each other to not do anything that they will regret and that may backfire and they also said that any revenge will not hurt the b., as this type of women simply don’t have empathy and do not care about the wife, the kids and a ruined marriage.

    But yesterday I looked and there it was: Splashed on the Internet on a website named Cheaterland.com
    The name of the b, where she lives and what she has done to obviously more marriages then a few.

    Another woman (or man) must have thought “enough is enough, let’s report the whore”, and it might be wrong of me, but I was so pleased when I saw it there, right on the first page, below her Linkedin (lying shit page with her 5oo+) connections…

    Karma is a bitch. This is a big one.

    E

    • I believe Karma comes in all kinds of forms…did I help dish out some?

      Yes.

      I reported the emails she sent me from her company email, to the HR department where she once worked.

      Not because of her affair with my husband, but because she wouldn’t stop.

      She was warned.

      She kept trying to get revenge on my husband for ending the affair.

      I got to serve a small dose of reality to her.

      She wasn’t the victim.

      She wasn’t untouchable…well…never mind…you know what I mean.

      I also got revenge by writing this blog 🙂 people got to hear my side of the story. Not just her overly dramatic lies.

      Then I walked away 🙂

      Do I ever pull her up on Facebook?

      Not often.

      Hardly at all anymore…mostly to see how much bigger her thighs have gotten. I check and see if the poor sap she had kids with ever got smart.

      Then I remind myself it’s not healthy.

      I usually giggle…

      Then I turn off my computer.

      I’m glad yours was made famous too…

      Hugs my new friend, I hope you find peace too…

  3. Kendra’s Grey Chrysler town and country van still takes my breath. Away as does a burgundy Envoy I hope one day I won’t notice at all

  4. savingshards says:

    Encouraging, Lou. Really encouraging. Hugs to you.

  5. Youwillneverbeme says:

    Hi Kelly ,Still check your blog from time to time , we seem to be at the same stages. Coming up 4 years now , looking back one thing that upsets me most is that it feels wasted. Yeah I’ve been getting on and looking after the kids , working etc. But four god damn long years (first year or two just in a daze), changing the places I went to to avoid triggers, good and bad days, being angry , crying , cutting off freinds and family who betrayed me. Etc etc

    Slowly but surely the triggers are less , my anxiety and anger has subsided and I dont think I could be bothered to shit on her car anymore, they are not even worth shit !

    Who would of ever thought it would take 4 years to feel okay xx
    keep smiling !!!! Love

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