Rose Garden

My knockout roses have died…

If you remember, I once talked about having dozens of them surrounding my house.

26 Knockout Roses to be exact.

Pink, Hot Pink, Coral, Yellow and regular, mini, and drift roses.

They got a disease and slowly started dying.

They had these nasty twisted stems.

They fell over and bent.

Even the blooms and the leaves changed.

My sweet friend went to the nursery in town and asked how to save them.

“Pull them up and burn them..” she was told.

And to not plant another rose bush in the hole for at least two years.

TWO YEARS?!?

I went outside and finally started cutting them back.

At first I was heartbroken…I love my roses.

I thought about how much time I spent, digging holes, watering, weeding and fertilizing them.

Some of them were 8 years old.

They were my pride and joy.

As I stood there cutting them down, it hit me.

My roses are like my marriage.

It became diseased.

Ugly.

Twisted.

Finally I had to step back and decide to tear parts of it up.

His Job.

Several Friendships.

Life as we both knew it.

We cut back, tried keeping parts we thought were healthy, might just make it…but in the end, most were ‘burned’.

When we started over?

We didn’t look for the same things.

He’s no longer gone chasing money, and prestiage.

We have a whole new circle of friends. 

I have a job outside of our home.

We changed our communication within our marriage…I no longer bite my tongue, he listens even when I don’t physically talk, and we talk about the hard stuff.

My/our hope?

That someday when I decide to start over, replant the last pieces of our marriage. 

My full trust.

The last guarded pieces of my heart.

Loving him completely.

I think if done too quickly, the disease would have came back in other forms. 

Someday I’ll get my rose garden back.

I will appreciate them more then.

I will be aware that even the ‘disease resistant’ knockout rOses are vulnerable. 

Next time I’ll know the signs.

And at the first bent stem, diseases leaf?

I will take action to protect my garden. 

In the meantime, I’m looking at Butterfly bushes, maybe a few Lilacs, to fill the void left behind. 

It won’t be the same…but change my sweet friends can be healing. 

“I beg your pardon

I never promised you a rose garden

Along with the sunshine

There’s gotta be a little rain some time

When you take you gotta give so live and let live

Or let go oh-whoa-whoa-whoa

I beg your pardon

I never promised you a rose garden

I could promise you things like big diamond rings

But you don’t find roses growin’ on stalks of clover

So you better think it over

Well if sweet-talkin’ you could make it come true

I would give you the world right now on a silver platter

But what would it matter

So smile for a while and let’s be jolly

Love shouldn’t be so melancholy

Come along and share the good times while we can”

-Lynn Anderson-

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5 Responses to Rose Garden

  1. pabloswife says:

    What a wonderful post! Love the analogy. Hope you’re doing well my sweet friend. I’m sure you’ll love your new garden xx

  2. Deservesbetter says:

    Lovely. For me I am still picking thru the dead stuff and sometimes I get jabbed by a thorn and think this is going to hurt fo a very long time.

  3. Beautiful and bittersweet.. whenever I read your blogs I think maybe? Maybe that could be me.. maybe starting over isn’t so bad.. maybe I could love him again.. maybe..

  4. Wants A Do Over says:

    I spent the morning reading your blog, and I am at peace and oddly devastated all at one.

    I am eight months post D-Day. One of the hardest things for me to accept is that life and my view of it has fundamentally shifted. My marriage–happy, I thought–will never be what it was. Worse, it will never be what it could have been.

    I am more cynical now. I laugh at the newly married, at those plotting their future oblivious to the landmines that lay ahead.

    I now live in a world where those who should love us the most think nothing of gutting us.

    I now live in a world where getting your ego stroked on a daily basis is more important than the stability of a 33-year marriage and the love of a faithful companion.

    Kelly, your words, your experiences, could be mine. I want so badly for us, for all of us, to be okay, but what does okay look like now? I guess I’ll let you know.

  5. Stephanie says:

    I am sorry for what you are going thru. 10 yrs into our marriage my husband had an emotional & semi physical affair with a coworker. I decided to stay and forgive him. We both never did the real work to fix the problem . It was swept under the rug . Mostly by my husband . Like you, i thought i know the signs of an affair but 9 yrs later he had a full blown love affair with a much younger married co worker and i saw some signs but i wasnt convinced. One reason was vecause he had honed his cheating skills . He knew what he did wrong last time. Second reason was, i didnt think he would ever go down that road again. I swore if he ever cheated on me again i would leave. I came close , i got an attorney and he moved out but he had also ended his affair and quit his job . He was serious about fixing what he had done ! We went seperately to a lot of therapy and he has helped me tremendously to get through this . He gas taken responsibility for his behavior and doesnt bkame me at all. Its been a year since D day and we have a lot made progress & have a better marriage than ever in many ways . I still have set backs and triggers but i forgive myself and try to move forward. I dont know if i will ever completely blindly trust him again but maybe oneday its still ealy in our recovery.
    I hope this helps you .

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