Wow it’s been awhile…
i still write.
I just don’t push post.
I think maybe I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t need an audience for my thoughts.
It is nice though.
Knowing if I need friends and voices other than the ones still here in my head? You are all still here.
Waiting and reading.
Some of you old friends.
A few of you new.
A thousand views last week on this old blog.
Makes me wonder who stumbled across it.
What sadness and anger consumed them as they typed in a search word and up popped my words.
I remember my frenzied reading days of D-Day.
Five years ago last week? That was me…
Crying and desperate for help.
For anyone and anything that could help explain the pain.
This year it wasn’t mentioned, the anniversary of one of the worst days of my life.
Except in a brief text, from a young friend.
She remembers everything, she’s our families walking talking planner.
I didn’t respond.
I think because response meant peeking under my scar, rubbing it? Acknowledging it? Seeing if it was still there?
But it wasn’t as ugly as I remember.
I do remember.
Still every single day.
I still cringe when people mention people cheating.
Or when they make a joke about it.
Most the time I just awkwardly nod my head or smile, hoping they don’t notice my first reaction.
The brief moment I go back, and I’m there reliving it all.
Alice in the rabbit hole that is infidelity.
I don’t know if that will ever go away.
What does five years out look like?
My family is still here.
They are all older.
Lou turns eight.
My oldest is out of college.
My middle one back from Texas.
And the baby boy off to college.
We cuss and fight.
We are happy.
And have almost found, the happiness that used to live here.
Thanks for still being here my sweet friends.