What about us

I haven’t posted in forever…

Life in Oklahoma is busy.

My oldest finally married his high school sweetheart this summer. It was a beautiful, sweet, fun ceremony, and I only cried tears of happiness.

Well maybe a few of sadness but a good sad, the ones because he grew up.

My other boys have grown into great young men. They are funny and kind, interesting and smart, giving and sweet.

They all make this mammas heart happy, and sometimes I give old batshit crazy the middle finger.

I wave it high in the air hoping she sees it in Alaska. Her with her comments on what kind of men my then boys would turn into with my husband as a father.

“Better than your daughter turned out,” I’d say with a smirk.

If I ever had the displeasure to run into her again, but I won’t.

Thank god.

I thank him, a lot anymore.

For making me stronger, and giving me better instead of bitter.

Today I’m slightly bitter, but sour punch straw bitter, not full on suck a lemon bitter.

I’d just make your cheeks clench a little bit.

I get two days of slightly bitter, and this my old friends is still one.

My 25th wedding anniversary is today.

I’ve told no one, not a mention.

No post on social media.

Romantic getaway.

Or even simple acknowledgement.

It’s here.

Tomorrow it will be gone.

I take comfort in knowing this too shall pass.

The ache in the scar that I run my fingers across daily, tells me what today could have been.

I feel myself touching it, mostly out of habit, to make sure it’s still healed.

Or maybe as a reminder that I’m still here and okay.

I am okay.

Mostly okay.

Some days even better than I was, I like this me.

I’m becoming someone the old Kelly would have liked.

Maybe even have admired.

She would have been a little judgmental on how little this Kelly cooks.

Or cares about her image.

And let’s the middle finger fly.

Let’s be real though, The old Kelly also thought wedding anniversaries should be celebrated.

Bad things only happened to bad people.

And that if you loved someone you didn’t hurt them.

She was sweet but naive.

I don’t know what the future hold, life has taught me that.

I do know, my family?

We are stronger than a can can whore affair.

And we are still together.

For better, or worse.

“Sticks and stones, they may break these bones
But then I’ll be ready, are you ready?
It’s the start of us, waking up, come on
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
I don’t want control, I want to let go
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
‘Cause now it’s time to let them know
We are ready, what about us?
What about us?
What about all the times you said you had the answers?
So what about us?
What about all the broken happy ever afters?
Oh, what about us?
What about all the plans that ended in disaster?
Oh, what about love? What about trust?
What about us?
-Pink-
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3 Responses to What about us

  1. horsesrcumin says:

    Oh, so great to get an update. You’re freaking Awesome Kelly xxx

  2. Yes!! So good to hear from you!!❤️❤️❤️ Congratulations on the boy’s marriage and the realty of all of this ❤️
    You have been thought of many times!
    I agree with Paula you are so Awesome!! 💯💯💯

  3. You will never be me says:

    Funny how I found your blog all those years ago and it just sort of stuck with me. I come back from time to time to see how your doing. I don’t celebrate anniversaries either It makes me thinks about the old me too much. Oh and all the money that was wasted.

    it’s been nearly 7 years which is a scary thought and it’s the first time I’m going to admit I’m finally there ( or as there as I will be) I know I’ll never be the same person I was too and I have made some sacrifices to be where I am but I am proud of me! (Good riddance toxic people)

    Don’t get me wrong I do like the odd dig and I find it works well in a an argument. For example ‘ I don’t really like that new wallpaper ‘ so I reply ‘ well you don’t have any taste so your opinion is invalid’ ( not in an angry way) but he knows exactly what I mean and he knows not to go there.
    I shouldn’t do it but I do, hell it makes me feel better. Strange thing is I think the hate has passed which is weird because I’ve been so full of hate for a long time.
    I never in a million years thought it would happen to me, especially with someone I knew, but I actually think they wanted my life rather than my husband. A whore with jealousy a vile combination.

    When I think back to what happened it honestly feels like a movie the way events that unfolded , I think I need to write a script because that shit would entertaining. Some of it I’m not proud of and it probably done more harm than good ; hacking his Facebook. However giving her a whallop on the nose end has always comforted me !

    Sending lots of love to you and the family Kelly , well done for having the strength to see this through. Keep smiling and be proud of yourself xx

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