Four years ago my life changed…
I was forced to take a detour through hell.
I was tested and brought to my knees.
I could have literally filled the bathtub I was often laying in with my tears.
There were times I prayed for peace.
Others I asked for vengeance.
I often went crazy with my grief.
Spending hours, then days, which turned to weeks unable to function or get out of bed.
I was so angry and bitter.
Constantly trying to figure out why?
Yelling at the top of my lungs how unfair it was until I was hoarse.
Arguing with God that I was a good person who didn’t deserve this.
Wasting away to a mere shadow of myself…in spirit and size.
Screaming at God to give me my life back.
Finally I found my way again.
It was still a detour from my previously scheduled life.
I learned to embrace the detours in life.
To let go and let God.
He has sent me tests.
I have failed and kept on trying.
Continuing when you are lost and tired is half the battle.
Here I stand.
Not a year, not two years but four years out from D-Day.
I am surrounded by my family.
I am now called Gammy by one, soon to be two grand babies.
My children have grown up.
They still have two parents who love them and are a daily part of thier lives.
They know I’m crazy and love me anyways.
I am surrounded by friends, some who have been by my side for years, but a large group newly assembled.
And by assembled, I mean they will circle the wagons and go to “fist city” for me.
My detour lead me down a really bumpy road.
I didn’t choose it.
But I don’t fight it anymore.
Four years out.
I’m better most days.
And I’m still trying everyday.
To find the happiness which used to live here.
“I can’t believe it, you of all things
It’s been a while, memories teem
Some kind of anthem lingering
Images settle internally
Ribbons and detours meant nothing to me
Swaying the sentiments, pulling our strings
Tempting me softly, but killing our dream
You said it’s over but maybe
It’s the same old thing
I can’t believe it, you of all things
Coming in homage, devious needs
Intimate outlies, weakening
Tranquilize slowly, inside of me”