I hate Valentine’s Day…HATE IT…with the burning of a whore’s STD I hate it.
Have I always hated it? No…I used to like it, looked forward to it, like my Birthday and Mother’s Day (both huge triggers now and I don’t celebrate).
Three years ago for the first time my husband forgot. He was working on the road and he ‘forgot’. I had sent him a gift and I got a little angry (might have cried a little) but I forgave and went on.
Two years ago I mailed him a gift and saw he had made a purchase using PayPal. I waited for the flowers, candy basket, or new necklace to arrive. They didn’t and when he called the morning of V-day I wished him a “Happy Valentines Day…” I was once again informed he had ‘forgot’. I was pissed, hurt that even after knowing the year before he hurt me he did it again and we fought…I was told I was being stupid, and he was busy and stressed with work and didn’t need my drama. I made a vow then “No more gifts no more celebrating…EVER.” He didn’t call me at all that evening and I made chili dogs with my kids and cried.
Last year I found out two things…One the picture I had made for my husband? The one of my Lou in a tutu eating a box of chocolates? The tutu was sent to Lou by ‘the whore’, I’m sure she loved the picture I sent him as part of his V-Day gift. Two he might have forgotten to send his wife flowers but he remembered to get steaks and make dinner for ‘the whore’ after work. He spent Valentines Day with her two years ago. After MAKING ME FEEL LIKE NOTHING HE SPENT THE NIGHT WITH HER.
“Knowing these things how do you feel Kelly?” Asks my inner therapist Bob.
“I feel pissed Bob…I don’t want to see my husband tomorrow, I feel like he should be put in protective custody for the day. I feel like I want to lace a cupcake with something that doesn’t kill him but makes him fall to the floor and spend the night crying and shitting like I did two years ago (the crying part not the shitting). I want to do like Julia Roberts did in ‘Something To Talk About’ to my husband.”
“Now Kelly that’s not healing or healthy…” Bob observes.
“Yes but it would be fun,” I sigh and smile bitterly,” I want to pull up a chair and eat popcorn while watching him writhing on the floor covered in his shit. And every once in a while I’d tell him to stop with the drama and stop being stupid it doesn’t hurt THAT bad. And Bob shut the HELL UP, it would be fun, I’m sure he had ‘fun’ the Valentines Day he spent with ‘the whore’. It would only be fair!!!”
Bob doesn’t win very often in my head…but I won’t poison my husband tomorrow. I have 13 extra people spending the weekend with us. My son is coming in from college with four extra, so his girlfriend will also be over. My oldest ‘son’ is coming in with his girlfriend (Miguel is going to be a Daddy in October). My sister is coming down with her youngest kids and husband. And my youngest son’s best friend decided to join our chaos…add in my four and 17 people will be in my house. I don’t want to shock them by poisoning my husband, and I don’t want my house to smell like shit with company coming.
So instead I will force a smile on, and bake.
I think I will bake some cupcakes with Lou tomorrow…if for no other reason than it will make me smile when my husband eats one.