True Love

I didn’t deserve what was done to me.

If you are reading this and you are a fellow betrayed spouse, a heartbroken wife, a devastated husband? I am sorry, so stinking sorry you are going through this, sorry you woke up one morning and your life as you knew it was over, sorry you will struggle with the ‘why’ and ‘how’ (questions which 16 months after discovery still haunt me), I am sorry you are reading my blog.

I don’t have any magic words for you, I can tell you it’s gonna hurt, and at times the pain will be unbearable. Let yourself feel the pain, you can’t squash it down, ignore it or pretend it away…doing so will feed it, and it will fester into hate. Hate feels good, it feels stinking amazing when it takes the place of your pain…it will eat you alive, and spit out the bones of the person you once were. Your spouse? They might deserve to be stuck with that person, but your kids deserve better, and you do too…you deserve to be whole.

Repeat after me..”I didn’t deserve what happened to me. I was a good wife/husband, I was a good person. Screw it a great person!! I WAS PRETTY, SMART, FUNNY, AND KIND. The actions of my spouse had nothing to do with me…NOTHING. What my spouse did was beyond my control.” Now keep repeating it till it sinks in and you fully understand, it wasn’t about you, you weren’t to blame, and all those thoughts of “If only” and “I wish”, are just going to drive you insane. (I know I took the fast lane to insanity) 

Days will pass and then it will become months, the struggle you feel will get easier…but it will not quit being a struggle. It will just become your knew normal. Does a person who is an amputee ever quit missing their limb? I don’t think so, and you will never quit missing the part of your heart which is gone. I miss the way I loved my husband. The blind love of a person who trusts completely, without fear. I want my heart back but I have learned to survive without it.

You can’t go back, but you can move forward. You can move on, but at some point you have to let go of all the baggage you are carrying. The road to healing with your spouse is too steep and long to bring any of the luggage of your past with you. 

Carrying my husband’s whore with me was exhausting (As Miguel would say “She’s a thick bitch”) and slowly but surely I have started leaving her behind us. I still have bags I carry, it’s gonna take time. I am trying to stay focused on the road ahead.

Learn from the past but don’t keep reliving it.

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12 Responses to True Love

  1. trickyfilms says:

    No one deserves to be betrayed by the people they love.

  2. Well said my friend. Well said. I would add only this: None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. But even if you were the worst spouse on the planet, you STILL would not deserve to be cheated on. You could be dull, stupid and boring. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. Cheating is cowardly and selfish. There are so many options out there when someone begins to struggle. I would say people should do the decent thing and just leave the marriage, but the truth is they don’t WANT to leave. They want to cake-eat. Turning to the lies and bed of a whore is deceptively simple. You carry NO blame for that.

    I take responsibility for my part of rebuilding our marriage. I can own the mistakes I made in the past. But my husband made mistakes too. I just didn’t ever see cheating as an option. As an answer. Does that make me a better person? No. It does make me a stronger person. And I think that makes him very sad. He hates the way he sees himself today. He hates that he has become the cliched scumbag who screwed around on his wife. Destroyed the ONE relationship that really mattered to him and damaged his family. And now we begin again. He is very thankful. Grateful for the second chance. Yes, it will get better. I will add my promise to Kelly’s. One way or another it will get better.

  3. pabloswife says:

    Thank you Kelly, great words to live by!

    You are both so right! Our husband’s choosing to cheat is ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with us and EVERYTHING to do with them and their insecurities and their selfishness! There is no excuse. If you aren’t happy for god sake talk to your spouse and IF that doesn’t work leave the marriage before you go and fuck someone else! Otherwise not only do you risk loosing your marriage but you also risk loosing yourself and your dignity. Because when you get found out, and you will, your wife/husband will never be able to look at you like they used to because you will be forever tainted by your poor choices and heartbreaking actions.

    No one deserves to feel like this ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

    There better be some good shit at the end of this road Kelly ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Krissy says:

    Great read! Unfaithfulness is something I am currently trying to heal from. It’s a steep climb and most days, I don’t know how I can move past it/ forget it/ etc, Heartbreaking! I love him but I don’t know how I can just accept the past as part of my future.

  5. 1myr says:

    I never imagined my husband to be insecure, certainly not selfish. I always saw myself as the selfish one. I was so wrong. I hate him sometimes.

    • I hate mine too sometimes…

    • I hate mine as well most times and trying to learn to let go.

      • You are at the beginning of your path to healing…I didn’t start my blog until a year after D day. The first year was awful,and that’s putting it mildly. I hated him and at times loving him didn’t matter, I couldn’t bear to be around him.

        You are trying to move on and to heal, trying to let go of the hate, that is a big part of the battle.

        Welcome to my blog/world and thank you for the shout out, you made me cry, but happy tears… To hear another tough woman with huge lady balls say such nice things about me is overwhelming ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs to you my new friend.

  6. brokenjoan says:

    I miss the way I use to love my husband, well put, I feel the same way about mine. I don’t know if your post is named after the song, True Love by Pink, but if it is great crazy minds think alike, I told my husband that’s our new song!!!

  7. Poppy says:

    I found your fabulous Blog and have been reading it from the beginning. It is so inspiring! I wish I could write like you. You say what I feel and I have been laughing and crying (lots!) reading it.

    I am 16 months since I found out my husband was still seeing his OW. First time I found out was 4 years and 7 months ago. So she has been Lurking in our lives for 7 years. We have been married 25 years and have 4 beautiful teenagers! Not sure what I’m doing as I’m finding the trust part really bloody hard! But for my kids I’m trying.

    You are so inspiring to me. I hope I have the balls and the staying power to keep going!

    • Lordy, now that’s a total shit storm to try to make your way through ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      So first…thank you for the kind words its been a shitty week. People like you are why I write.

      Two…seven fucking years? I’d kill him and then the whore!!! I have some sows you can borrow if need be.

      Trust? Lol I don’t know what that is some days, and the rest? It’s still hard to trust him with the small piece of my heart that’s left.

      I am in awe of you for trying, any spouse that has the balls to try and stay and save their marriage has my respect. Not all marriages can be saved but to have the strength and courage to try? Well just hugs my sweet new friend, you aren’t alone anymore.

      • Poppy says:

        Thank you for your kind words. I might just take you up on the offer of the sow! Lol…

        I am trying. It’s hard. I don’t have close family I can talk to, I don’t make friends easily and, therefore, don’t really have a network of support. I have confided in a couple of friends. Both went through traumatic divorces. One said stay, don’t screwup your kids lives and the other said you have to do what’s best for you and your kids will survive. Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

        Reading blogs like yours and the comments make me realise we are not alone and it’s a very complex answer. I feel sometimes by studying and trying to get through this I’m being weak and settling. But instinctively I still feel it’s something I have to try.

        Triggers are the worst. Yesterday I finished a crossword that he’d started and the answer to one of the clues was her name. Set me off again….

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